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GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Now that the truth is just a rule that you can bend, you crack the whip, shape-shift, and trick the past again. LET'S GO TO PRESS.
IN LOCAL NEWS:
• According to a wrap-up report on last year's nightly Black Lives Matter demonstrations, the Portland Police Bureau appears wildly out-of touch with the reasons why the protests happened in the first place. Here's what the cops think, according to their report: “It appeared as if many younger people, lacking entertainment and work, often attended the protests, with some gathering regularly to socialize and drink and a portion of those then engaging in criminal activity.” Not mentioned: the years of brutality and death inflicted on communities of color and those in mental distress. (Still think they can be reformed?)
Not mentioned as potential reasons for the massive protests are a laundry list of grievances against the bureau going back decades. https://t.co/hpWlo0ZOAt— OPB (@OPB) April 29, 2021
• Speaking of being willfully ignorant and out of touch: Oregon Republican lawmakers were back to their old obstructive tricks again a day after Gov. Brown announced 15 counties would move back to the "extreme risk" category due to a fourth wave of COVID-19 cases sweeping the state. Senate Republicans are saying they'll demand that legislation designed to help Oregonians should be read in their entirety in order to slow state business down to a crawl during a critical time. (Nope, they absolutely cannot be reformed.)
Oregon Senate passes law that would allow district attorneys to petition courts to undo convictions and reduce excessive sentences in the interest of justice. Bill is supported by three newly elected reform DAs. https://t.co/Y0M9Bm5O5A— David Menschel (@davidminpdx) April 28, 2021
• Portland City Council passed a sweeping zoning measure yesterday that will make it easier to open shelters for the houseless as well as provide space for other inexpensive options, like RVs and tiny houses on wheels.
IN NATIONAL NEWS:
• Busy Bee Biden made his first speech to Congress last night laying out his pretty damn progressive argument to expand the government's safety net for Americans and take the first steps to eradicate poverty (as well as giving a historic shoutout of support to transgender youth). Meanwhile he also offering a stark choice to obstructionist Republicans: Get on board with the agenda or accept responsibility for sabotaging the nation.
President Biden’s record so far amounts to the kind of revolution that he said last year he would not pursue, write our correspondents @llerer and @anniekarni. The result is something few expected: He is transforming what it means to be a Democrat. https://t.co/pP5fkEEYZO— The New York Times (@nytimes) April 29, 2021
• Obstructionist Republicans are gonna have a tough time making their case that Biden is destroying the country following today's report that the economy grew at a robust 6.4% annual rate last quarter, and the next quarter is looking even better.
• Meanwhile, congressional Democrats are pushing Biden HARD to include Medicare expansion in his sweeping $1.8 trillion relief package, which would include lowering the eligibility age, boosting health services, and granting additional powers to negotiate prescription drug prices.
• Columbus, Ohio mayor Andrew Ginther is asking the DOJ for a federal probe of the city's police department following the deadly shooting of 16-year-old Ma'Khia Bryant, saying they need the additional support thanks to the "fierce opposition" to reform exhibited by their cops. (Compare this move to those of Mayor Wheeler, whose idea of police reform is obsessing over a few broken windows and unmasking protesters.)
• Trump's former senior racism advisor and ghoul Stephen Miller is leading a group that's suing the Biden administration for (get this) racism against white farmers. (I apologize if reading that sentence made your eyes roll out of your head.)
• Today in "Okay... this doesn't sound good": The Feds are investigating a possible "Havana syndrome" attack on the White House last year that allegedly sickened a National Security Council official.
The Ingenuity helicopter has met all of its objectives on Mars. It will fly even further, faster and longer than before over intriguing Martian terrain on Thursday. https://t.co/bmsHGf6Pot— CNN (@CNN) April 29, 2021
• Need some guaranteed laughs? Then don't miss the I, Anonymous Show (Livestream edition) featuring nutzo rants and hilarious commentary from comedians Neeraj Srinivasan, Sam Tallent, Steph Tolev, and your host Kate Murphy—coming at ya Wednesday, May 5! (Act now for a FREE ticket option!)
• HUMP! HUMP! HUMP! If you enjoy sexy stuff (and I know you do), get your tickets NOW for HUMP's Greatest Hits, Volume 3—debuting this Friday—and featuring some of the best short sex flicks from 15 years of HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!
• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Temps could hit a thong-wearing 80 today with partly cloudy skies!
• And finally, JESUS CHRIST WILL YOU PUH-LEEEZE JUST LET ME WORK?