CDC says, If youre fully vaxxed, you can take off your mask.
CDC says, "If you're fully vaxxed, you can take off your mask." But will Gov. Brown lift the mask mandate? Marina123 / Getty Images

Here's your daily roundup of all the latest local and national news. (Like our coverage? Please consider making a recurring contribution to the Mercury to keep it comin'!)

THE BIG STORY:

ā€¢ The CDC announced today that those who have been double-vaxxed can go maskless inside and out (with caveats, of course). More on that in our National News section... BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR OREGON, who is still under mask mandates? Gov. Brown is expected to issue a decision about that later this afternoon, so stand by.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

ā€¢Ā KOIN News recently wrote another super tiresome and wrong-headed "Portland is Dying" story that is somehow worse than the ones that've come before. Our Wm. Steven Humphrey (hey, that's me!) takes it apart in his usual surgical, smart-assy style.

ā€¢ Following on the heels of the FDA and CDC's recommendation, both Oregon and Washington state have approved the safety of the Pfizer vaccine for kids 12- to 15-years-of age.

ā€¢ Spicy City Hall Goss: Suk Rhee, the director of the Office of Community & Civic Life, abruptly announced today she was stepping down from the beleaguered bureau which has had multiple complaints from employees about its "culture of fear." Rhee leaves on the heels of an announcement from the Multnomah County District Attorneyā€™s Office that the bureau must release an outside consultant's report that looked into the bureauā€™s very dicey workplace culture.

ā€¢ Bad news, homophobes: Oregon lawmakers have voted to ban the bullshit "LGBTQ+ panic defense" (AKA the gay panic defense) from being used in Oregon courts, and it will now head to the governor's desk. As our Blair Stenvick explains, the defense strategy entails "the shock of learning about a personā€™s real or perceived queer or trans identity... could temporarily diminish someoneā€™s capacity to make rational decisions, or cause them to reasonably fear they are at risk of sexual assault from the LGBTQ+ person." Ugh! GET RID OF THIS NOW.

ā€¢ Our Blair Stenvick profiles Portland slam poet Jordan Wolmut, whose award-winning poem Trigger Warning dissects the concept of a slam poetry competition while taking part in one. Super interesting stuff!

IN NATIONAL NEWS:

ā€¢ Big news: The CDC announced today that Americans who have been fully vaccinated can stop wearing masks inside and out, and no longer have to stay socially distanced in most situations. The caveats?

Even vaccinated individuals must cover their faces and physically distance when going to doctors, hospitals or long-term care facilities like nursing homes; when traveling by bus, plane, train or other modes of public transportation, or while in transportation hubs like airports and bus stations; and when in prisons, jails or homeless shelters.

IMPORTANT REMINDER: For now, Oregon's mask mandates are still in effect, so be prepared to protect your fellow Portlandians (especially service workers!) by wearing your mask in grocery stores, restaurants, bars, and places where mask rules are still in place!

ā€¢ Today in "Wow... Republicans are truly pieces of shit": "More than 1.9 million people could see severe cuts in unemployment aid as Republicans seek to curb assistance."

ā€¢ Batshit nutty (and racist!) Trumper Rep. Marjorie Green verbally assaulted beloved Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez in the Capitol building last night because Ocasio-Cortez refused to debate the batshit nutty (and racist!) Trumper. Ocasio-Cortez responded that she refuses to be intimidated by anyone who aligns with white supremacists. (Man, Republicans really know how to pick 'em, don't they?)

ā€¢ Potential BIG trouble for creepy-creep Rep. Matt Gaetz: His deeply corrupt pal, Joel Greenberg, is expected to plead guilty to several charges, including sex trafficking of a minor, and could possibly pull Gaetz down with him.

ā€¢ Colonial Pipeline, which provides 45 percent of fuel on the East Coast and was shut down in a cyberattack, has paid the hackers a cool $5 million in ransom. Following gas hikes, long lines, and panic buying, the company says the pipeline started flowing again today. (I knew I should've listened to my mom who told me "the future is in cyberattacks.")

ā€¢ You want to look GOOD, true or false? If "true," you'll want to purchase a new, wicked awesome Mercury T-shirt... just in time for tee season!

ā€¢ HUMP! HUMP! HUMP! If you enjoy sexy stuff (and I know you do), get your tickets NOW for HUMP's Greatest Hits, Volume 3ā€”THIS WEEKENDā€”featuring some of the best short sex flicks from 15 years of HUMP! HUMP! HUMP!

ā€¢ And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Another mostly sunny, gorgeous day tomorrow with a high of 79!

ā€¢ And finally, I think modeling skills are pretty greā€”ummm... I'll just see myself out.