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Entitled white guy with no political experience announces his run for Oregon governor.
Entitled white guy with no political experience announces his run for Oregon governor. ILYA S. SAVENOK / GETTY IMAGES

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Boys with small talk and small minds really don't impress me in bed. She said "I need a man's man baby, diamonds and furs. Love would only conquer my head." LET'S GO TO PRESS.

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• Numerous antivax/antimask shitheads, inspired by a call from Ammon Bundy's extremist People's Rights group, interrupted a public meeting of the Portland School Board last night, forcing it to go virtual after refusing to wear masks, screaming expletives at the board, and at least in one case, lecturing students of color. (Oh, and of course, the lecturer was white.) And though you've probably already figured it out, the majority of these shitheads were from out of town.

• As expected, occasional Oregon resident and politically inexperienced former NYT columnist Nicholas Kristof has officially thrown his hat in the ring in a bid to become Oregon's next governor. (LOL, eye roll!) As a reminder, here's a great piece from our Blair Stenvick on why that's a baaaaaaaaad idea.

• The Portland Street Response program has been given the green light from the feds to respond to suicide calls, a job that has been the sole domain of the cops. However it won't happen for at least five months, until police union rules are re-negotiated in March.

• Two Oregon companies who deliver packages for Amazon are suing the corporation for $15 million, saying their delivery demands are unrealistic and unsafe.

• A recent survey of 103 Black City Hall employees revealed that all but eight of them felt unsupported, and that they were "undervalued" and "overburdened" in their jobs.

• Set in Oregon, the new horror thriller Antlers shows a small town plagued by social decay... and probably monsters? Chase Hutchinson has the review!

• Got a true, scary story... but maybe you're embarrassed to tell anyone? Drop it off in the I, Anonymous Halloween Week Blog, where people are submitting their creepiest, real-life stories, anonymously!

IN NATIONAL/WORLD NEWS:

• According to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Biden's sprawling social safety net package that could be fully funded by a "billionaire's tax" is in "pretty good shape," though Dems are still working their asses off to convince obstructionist senators Manchin and Sinema to get onboard.

• The US has issued its first passport with an "X" designation—for those who don't identify as male or female—and expects to expand the change next year.

• A FDA panel has approved the low dose Pfizer vaccine for kids ages 5-11, bringing a BIG sigh of relief to parents who want to protect their kids from COVID-19 (and of course, shithead anti-vaxxers/maskers).

• More positive news: Pharmaceutical company Merck has given the okay for poor countries to license and make their life-saving COVID-19 antiviral pill.

• Today in headlines that make you want to murder the earth: "Men shot by Rittenhouse can't be called 'victims' during trial, but 'rioters,' 'looters' are OK, judge rules."

Support The Portland Mercury

• Get ready for the fun fright of your life with SLAY—the Mercury's short HORROR film fest which is streaming online THIS WEEKEND from Oct 29-31, and showing LIVE and IN-PERSON at the Clinton Street Theater on Oct 29 & 30! GET THOSE TICKETS NOW.

• And now... THE WEATHER REPORT: Expect showers later today with a high of 56.

• And finally, so apparently Arizona Senator (and obstructionist!) Kyrsten Sinema actually wore a denim vest while presiding over the Senate yesterday. And I guess this is how she made that choice.