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A nine-year-old bumps fists with his nurse after being vaccinated at the drive-through vaccination.
A nine-year-old bumps fists with his nurse after being vaccinated at the drive-through vaccination. Photo by Fiona Goodall/Getty Images

Good Afternoon, Portland! It's beautiful outside right now, and that's how it's going to stay—for the weekend. It's not hot enough to go to the river, but I'm sure some of you will try. Remember that spring lakes and river are cold and unforgiving! On to the afternoon news!

IN LOCAL NEWS:

• On July 14, Evelyn Bassi says she was walking home with a friend—after attending a protest outside of the downtown Federal Courthouse—when an unmarked gray Dodge Grand Caravan pulled up, and two armed people dressed in camouflage fatigues grabbed her, forcing her into the van. A lawsuit filed today asserts that federal agents violated Bassi’s constitutional rights.
Mercury News Editor Alex Zielinski has the story.

• Oregon officials announced today that children ages 5 to 11 are now eligible to receive a Pfizer-BioNTech vaccine booster shot, if they finished their initial vaccine series at least five months ago. Isabella Garcia has the details.

• This afternoon, YOUTHS TOOK TO THE STREETS calling on Portland leaders to pledge stronger action against climate change. I swear these foot-bagging radicals are tearing this city apart. With their bright signs and high-pitched chanting the YOUTHS walked the streets from City Hall to Revolution Hall. The Mercury's intrepid reporter Isabella Garcia reported on their march:

• More shit firestorm has emerged in regards to the this week's botched Clackamas County primary election count—where more than half of the county’s ballots were printed in way that made them unreadable to counting machines. OPB reports that a member of U.S. Rep. Kurt Schrader's campaign was allowed to observe ballot counting before the office opened. Schrader is currently trailing his opponent Jamie McLeod-Skinner, who filed a formal complaint about the improper access on Thursday.

• In the '90s, George Bush Sr. designated the month of May as Asian, Asian American, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Islander (AANHPI) Heritage Month. The move was meant to highlight the AANHPI community's many contributions to American culture. One way to show your gratitude is by supporting AANHPI-owned businesses. In Portland, we have many choices that require absolutely zero altruism, on your part.

IN NATIONAL / INTERNATIONAL NEWS:

• Although there have been plenty of accounts from survivors of the atrocities committed by Russian soldiers as they continue to invade Ukraine, there are still many doubters. Hearty props go out to the New York Times' all-star, ass-kicking Visual Investigations Team which just produced this damning report on eight executions in the city of Kyiv, carried out by Russian paratroopers. In other terrible news to make you feel powerless and sad, Russia says it has taken full control of the Ukrainian port city of Mariupol where over 20,000 are missing and feared dead.

• A group of Democratic congressmen is currently trying to push the House to decide whether to make Puerto Rico a state of the US, or let the island achieve independence. Pundits have minimized the move, pointing out that such a measure is unlikely to pass the Senate, where Republicans—who have historically opposed Puerto Rico's potential statehood—hold the majority.

• Monkeypox sounds cute! [Continues to read about monkeypox.] OH NO, monkeypox. Monkeypox, no. The Associated Press reports that the smallpox-related disease which has recently started popping up across Europe, mostly in young men, causes fever, chills, rash, and lesions on the face or genitals. The World Health Organization estimates monkeypox is fatal for up to one in 10 people.

• In conclusion, I was going to show you a really creepy ASMR video, but it's been A WEEK so here's a bodega cat laying in a store egg display. My food handler's card is no longer current, and if loving cats laying on food is wrong, I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT.

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The 4th annual Portland Sketch Comedy Festival
Sketch comedy troupes from all over N. America descend on The Siren Theater for 3 glorious nights.