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Who wants a copy of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?

So here’s the contest: What should Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, write about next? Madame Bovary and the Mummy? Steppenwolfman? You get the idea. Hit me with your best, in the comments. I’ll pick a winner by 5 pm on Monday, who’ll get a fresh purdy copy of Vampire Hunter.

Also: In surprisingly topical vampire/Abraham Lincoln news—Tim Burton to make the movie? (HT to Dave for the link)

Read my book review of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter after the jump.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
by Seth Grahame-Smith
(published by Grand Central)
available now

After the well-matched marriage of Jane Austen and zombies in Seth Grahame-Smith’s Price and Prejudice and Zombies, he quickly capitalized on momentum and wrote his second novel, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. Abe’s no Mr. Darcy, but it makes for a fun, fact-based read about our 16th prez. It’s probably best suited for those who couldn’t make it through an Austen book (read: men) no matter how many zombies were roaming the Regency countryside.

I will never read another Lincoln biography—mostly because I don’t think I need to after Grahame-Smith’s pain-stakingly (HA!) researched vampire historical. It’s chock-a-block with Lincoln’s complete personal history, loves, losses, struggles, etc., all based in the factuals of his life—Grahame-Smith just peppers quite a few vamps into the historical mix. Abolishing slavery for moral issues? Yes and no in Vampire Hunter. Lincoln’s beloved mother and his first love, Ann Rutledge, were killed by the eternal creatures of the night, who have found a stronghold in the young, wild United States. The vampires of the 1800s feed off the easy-pickins of the slave trade, in league with wealthy Southern gentlemen. The vengeful Abe, with his ever-present ax, vows to slay every last vampire in the country, and to ultimately do this he must find a way to end slavery.

So that seems kinda loaded, right? Like it’s not just because slavery is morally wrong, but it’s also because vampires feed off slave labor. As Abe says in Vampire Hunter, “So long as this country is cursed with slavery, so to will it be cursed with vampires.” Hmmm, I’ll be leaving that can of worms well alone. The book suffers from many of these queasy pratfalls. There’s a definite lack of humor to having Lincoln be a kick-ass, yet intensely earnest hero. Vampire Hunter is an epistolary tale in the form of Abe’s long-lost, secret vampire-hunting diaries, so it’s through him that the scenes of vamp carnage are narrated and it ends up being surprisingly lacking in comedic punch, given that it’s a book about the great moled one dusting Nosferatus.

I’m making it sound worse than it is. It’s a well-written pseudo-biography of Abraham Lincoln, who was obviously a fascinating man. There are also fangy vampires and impressive Photoshopping of historical pictures and a cameo from vamp tramp Edgar Allan Poe. Neat!

Mercury copy chief and appreciator of the most sophisticated form of comedy: PUNS!

43 replies on “Who Wants a Copy of <i>Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter</i>?”

  1. a heartbreaking work of staggering genius in dr. frankenstein’s laboratory
    on the road to 1984
    do androids dream of electric sheep while drinking your juice in the hood
    holden caulfield: the smartest kid on earth
    tristram shandy at the jersey shore (fistpump)

  3. Just kidding.

    Macbethenstein
    Little Dead Women
    The Diary of Assassin Anne Frank
    The Possessed Gatsby
    All the President’s Men are Ghosts

  4. Shaolin War and Peace
    White (and) Fang(ed)
    Oliver Twitch of the Death Nerve
    A Connecticut Yankee in the Octagon
    Uncle Tom’s X-Wing
    Crime and Punishment and Dismemberment
    Moby Dick-in-a-Box
    20,000 Leagues Lost in Space
    Mansfield Park Hostel

    You can tell I really want to read this one… 🙂

  21. Love in the Time of Chupacabra
    The Black Hole Sun Also Rises (meh, it’s late, ha)
    Godzillolita
    There Eyes Were Watching Godzilla
    Nightmare on Baker Street
    Oldboy Yeller
    Oldboy and the Sea
    The Last Temptation of King Kong
    Oedipus Lex Luthor
    Candyman and the Sea
    Canterbury Tales from the Crypt

  26. A tale of two temples of doom

    Anne of green gables: in cold blood

    our band could be your IT(s.king)

    Peter pan: the birth of tragedy

  27. My suggested titles:

    *The Lion, The Witch and the Werewolf

    *The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Across The Eighth Dimension

    *Fear and Loathing in Wonderland

    *The Sound and The Furies

    *The Celebrated Jumping Kaiju Of Calaveras County

    *Moby Cthulu

    *Canterbury Whales

    *Stab the Catcher in the Eye

    *The Landshark Always Rings Twice

    *Remembrance of Ninjas Past

    *The Autobiography 0f Malcom XI : The Clone Wars

    *Portrait of The Zombie As A Young Man

    *The Naked and the Undead

    *The Suns Also Rise On Tattooine.

    *Were-Rabbit, Run

    [ I would buy the “100 Years of Solitude and Venemous Monkeys” or”Oedipus Lex Luthor” suggested by the other commenters right now. Those are excellent suggestions. However, whoever writes Waiting for Godzilla will win the Nobel Prize for Literature – that is genius]

  36. @ Sadfas. He didn’t actually write Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters. That was written by Ben H. Winters (and Jane Austen).

    Great titles so far! I’m surprised that no one has said: The Diary of Anne Frankenstein. Or Oedipus T. Rex (it’s hard to hug your momma with arms that short).

  37. Two couples try to enjoy an evening together while ignoring the terrible reality of the situation in:

    Who’s Afraid of Virginia the Werewolf.

  39. À la Recherche du Vamps Perdu
    The Heart is a Zombie Hunter
    As You Like Cousin Itt
    Also Sprach Zaracthulhu
    Everything That Rises From the Dead Must Converge
    Of Mice and Wolfmen

    Also, the term “Monster Lit” is just so boring. How about The Great Books of Blood?

  40. Oops, that should say “À la Recherche des Vamps Perdu.” I guess going to see Les Étrangers hasn’t been enough for me to keep up with my French.

  41. The Rights of Man-Thing
    Bonfire of the Cannibals
    The Sound and the Fury and the Pit and the Pendulum
    Yeti Crocker Cookbook

  43. Wow, I really thought a book about Margaret Thatcher hitting puberty would be HORRIFYING, but I’ll accept a win for Waiting for Godzilla (hehehe). Thanks!

    I really enjoyed reading all the entries. Seriously funny stuff.

    Lisa2

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