THIS MAY SEEM remedial to experienced smokers, but as new passengers climb aboard the big green train every day, it’s always worthwhile to point out some useful tips and etiquette. After all, smoking pot isn’t covered by Emily Post. So, some DOs and DON’Ts:

• DON’T torch the bowl. Hit one small corner and leave as much green as possible. No need to apply the flame directly to the bud—leave it a half to one inch above. This preserves more unsmoked cannabis for the next person.

• DO clear the bong (or water pipe). A bong that’s half-filled with smoke is not desirable. If you can’t finish your hit, remove the bowl and blow out the smoke before handing it off.

• DON’T think “dabbing” is just like smoking. It is not. And it often involves a blowtorch. So have someone around with experience if you try it.

• DO you know how to play football? Great, then shut up and show me your passing game. Telling me you are “so high” for the eighth time doesn’t require you to have a stranglehold on the communal delivery device.

• DON’T kill the vibe. Your long-winded, intricately detailed tale of your cat’s cancer is a huge bummer. Maybe not the best time to share that one.

• DO change the bong water often. Put some crushed ice in there, too. Provided it’s glass, clean it with 99 percent isopropyl alcohol and rock salt. Let it sit in the alcohol for an hour or more, add the salt, swish, and rinse to make it clean and sterile. You’ll taste the difference. Don’t forget the bowl!

• DON’T keep thinking that everyone can tell how stoned you are and knows that you’re stupid and oh my god you just heard your own voice and who the fuck sounds like that? Relax. You are too high. No one thinks that. You sound fine, if very high. Drink some water, stop smoking, and eat something with sugar.

• DO share if you are holding. That’s a good idea in general.

• DON’T bite off more than you can chew (literally) by doubling down on your consumption of edibles before allowing your first serving enough time to take effect. Sometimes it can take as long as two hours. Slow your roll. Went all Cookie Monster on it, did you? Ruh roh. Get a cab or a trusted friend to take you home. Lie down. You won’t die, but the next few hours may suck. Take a selfie as a deterrent for future incidents.

• DO consider investing in a high-quality vaporizer. It’s better for your lungs, your wallet, and your quality of high, particularly if you’re seeking an up, active, engaged, Sativa-type effect.

• DON’T fall into the trap of eating garbage when the munchies hit—and they will. Oh, they will. Prepare some fruit, nuts, and other well-thought-out foods. Or DON’T, and eat nachos and a pint of ice cream. You do you.

Joshua Jardine Taylor is the Mercury's Senior Cannabis columnist and correspondent, and has written "Cannabuzz" since 2015.

8 replies on “Cannabuzz: The Week in Marijuana”

  2. DO “blow out the smoke” to “clear the bong” with your mouth on the stem (where the bowl goes).
    DON’T blow down through the top of the bong.

  3. In theory a bong is supposed to be efficient, but smoke left is evidence of waste. Either use a smaller bowel, or don’t fill the bowel so full. Personally, I prefer to French inhale off a small hit pipe.

  6. DO not eat the marijuana raw. Good green bud is nearly unchewable and you will have great difficulty swallowing it whole. You will be forced to either spit it out before you are high or you will have to tuck it into your cheek as if it is chaw. If you finally manage the process of mastication or washing the nasty gritty mess down your gullet you may in fact get so high you forget why you have green stains around your mouth and your piss smells like ammonia. Also, marjuana farts from this manner of ingestion are no laughing business. They do not smell like the finest afghan hashish.

  8. Eating raw Cannabis or Hash doesn’t work as well as if it’s been baked, because the active ingredients are fat soluble, and need to be processed with a solvent such as butter or oil. Brownies work well, and are especially nice when you’ve got the munchies. I suppose a chaw could be made by stewing flower shake in olive oil, then dried.

    As far as over filling a bowel, an old buddy of mine was a rent-a-freak, in San Francisco, back in the day. Strangers, rich socialites, used to approach him and invite him to their parties provided that he could bring with him some Marijuana.

    He used to hang out with the Jefferson Airplane at their apartment where they had a huge hooka. He was a drummer, but not in their band. They would fill the bowel with about an ounce of hash or more and have a big smoke out. Then, they would all go out tripping. That’s when my buddy would hesitate to leave, before checking the pipe. Invariably, there would be many grams of unburnt hash left. It seemed to be okay for him to grab a few now and then. Nobody ever told him not to, anyway.

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