Most of the people who filled out our first-ever Weed Survey (full results here) are no spring chickens; here’s how the frequency of cannabis usage breaks down among respondents:
Daily: 24.8%
A few times a week: 23.5%
Wake ‘n’ bake: 22.5%
A couple times a month: 12.8%
Maybe once a year: 4.3%
Monthly: 4.1%
Every six months: 3.1%
Never: 3.1%
Can’t remember: 1.6%
So maybe it’s no surprised that we got so many fill-in answers in response to our request that survey-takers briefly describe their experience with “marijuana freakouts.” We published a ton of them in the survey, but here’s a bonus round!:
“I was at a work party, and all my coworkers were talking like the adults on Charlie Brown cartoons.”
“The bed was tipping sideways and I couldn’t move while Dark Side of the Moon played.”
“I couldn’t open my eyes for about an hour once.”
“I thought I’d be the kid who died on dabs. I camped in freezing car while getting closed-eye visualizations of flowers turning into spikes then back to flowers, over and over.”
“My cat turned into a purring alien.”
“I became extremely afraid that bears would come to our campsite.”
“I couldn’t follow the plot of Family Guy.”
“I felt a rush like I was falling backwards from a five-story window, over and over.”
“I go non-verbal and fixate on the many ways I am a failure to myself and all my loved ones.”
“I threw up in the backseat of a Mini Cooper.”
“The night I first tried edibles, I heard that Muammar Gaddafi had fled Libya, so I thought that he could be anywhere… in Portland? Right outside my door?! WHO CAN SAY FOR SURE?!?!”
“I tried to fight my older brother, and got trounced.”
“Worms.”
- CHRISTIAN SCHUBERT
Who does dabs? I’m guessing people who call each other “bro” or “bruh” non-ironically, and people who like to chase their dabs with meth and/or bath salts?