In lieu of candied hearts and polite over the sweater action, Capcom delivers stylized Chinese ladies joining forces with stylized British ladies to punch stylized Korean ladies. One could see this as a metaphorical attempt to heal the indelible wounds created by the British occupation of Hong Kong following the first Opium War — a […]
Video Games
Posted inVideo Games
Finally, Some Real Dead Rising 2 News
While I was out yesterday assisting our fearless leader’s attempts to crack down on the growing blight of heroin addiction amongst deciduous trees, Capcom was busy revealing news on the only upcoming game I really care about: Dead Rising 2. Capcom USA I swear, Capcom actually named this picture “Hammer Time” Hey Capcom, thanks a […]
Posted inVideo Games
Yo Koppa, Where You At? (UPDATED)
“Right here dog. I’m just sippin’ on some clover.” Atlus USA Koppa. Purportedly Sippin’ On Clover. Update: Mercury film editor Erik Henriksen phoned me at 4AM this morning to discuss this piece. At first all I heard was ragged breathing and if I hadn’t checked my phone’s caller ID before picking up, I wouldn’t have […]
Posted inVideo Games
The Tester Makes Me Want To Die (But Not Before I Take Sony With Me)
(Note to any readers suffering from a frail constitution: You may want to skip this post. It contains one hundred and thirty four percent of your daily recommended allowance of iron, potassium and uncensored, almond-flavored hate. At times, it could be said that I revel in my vitriol — assuming “revel” is the word you […]
Posted inSports
Saints Beat Colts, 34 to 31!
Did you realize it’s the year 2010 already? I know! We have shit to do! We’ve gotta, like, go invent dinosaur cyborgs and spaceships that aren’t in any way shaped like penises! We do not have six hours of free time to watch dudes with names like “Peyton” and “Reggie” smash into each other while […]
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Behold Geek: Remixed III.
Art by Mike Russell and Bill Mudron. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Any album that begins with a pissed-off Laura Roslin shouting at the listener gets a big thumbs up from me. Apparently aware of this rule, occasional Mercury freelancer Bobby “Fatboy” Roberts (of Cort and Fatboy fame) has finally released […]
Posted inVideo Games
What Happens In New Vegas Stays In … I Feel So Dirty
Did they really need to call the next Fallout game Fallout: New Vegas? I hope Bethesda realizes that the title is going to spawn months of coverage of this game from my stupid, uncreative gaming journo colleagues that includes some variation of the “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” tourism slogan that was designed […]
Posted inVideo Games
There’s A Dead Rising Movie Now? There’s A Dead Rising Movie Now!
If it seems like all I ever do lately is write about ill-conceived live action film adaptations of beloved gaming series, that’s because, well … it’s true. These films are low hanging fruit and in a world where a man’s adorable feline companions can be torn into pieces by something as simple as the jaws […]
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Ye Olde iPad, Video Games, And Absolutely No Tampon Jokes
Apple Inc. “Incens’d with indignation Satan stood unterrified, and like a comet burn’d, that fires the length of Ophiucus huge In th’ arctic sky, and from his horrid hair shakes pestilence and war.” Yesterday, when Steve Jobs walked up on stage and opened his (Apple) pie hole to make the iPad a reality, you could […]
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Catching Up for Mass Effect 2.
Mass Effect 2 is now in stores, and our review of the game should be online and on the streets by sometime late tomorrow afternoon. (The short version: Mass Effect 2 is fucking great.) If you’re anything like me—in which case I’d like to congratulate you on your handsomeness, popularity, and charm—you’ve been geekishly, giddily […]
Posted inVideo Games
Super Street Fighter IV Coming April 27
Capcom Metro City Cares! As of this morning, it’s official: April 27, 2010. Save your quarters. (On a happy note, check out Andore in the background up there. It’s nice to see an ex-con turn his life around after all that murder, kidnapping, assault, implied rape, car theft, and mayor punching.)
Posted inVideo Games
You’re Not Supposed To Get It, It’s Art Japanese!
This is a post about No More Heroes 2. I bet you’re expecting me to say something elitist, right? You expect me to insult the average Wii owner, huh? Like maybe a quip about how they would sneer at this piece of art-game weirdness while shopping at Wal*Mart with their brood of six fat children? […]