Newsblast!

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Oh, once you get involved, everyone will look this way, so, you must maintain your charm. Same time maintain your halo. LET’S GO TO PRESS. According to those on the scene, the West African Ebola crisis is out of control, and Europe is frantic that the disease will arrive there next. Meanwhile, […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! It starts out easy, something simple, something sleazy, something inching past the edge of the reserve. LET’S GO TO PRESS. For the crime of “raising military tensions”, a high-ranking North Korea military official has threatened to nuke the White House. HAAHAAAHAAAAAAAAAA!! STOP! YOU’RE KILLING ME!! Two Americans in Liberia have tested positive […]

Cruel and unusual much? Arizona’s attempt to neatly murder a death row prisoner with a secret concoction of murder drugs lasted something like two agonizing hours—with the inmate, Joseph Wood, “gasping,” “gulping,” and “snorting” for air as if he were slowly being suffocated. Yes, Joseph Wood was a convicted murderer. But we’re also not supposed […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Move yourself and glide like a 747. Lose yourself in the sky among the clouds in the heavens. LET’S GO TO PRESS. US intelligence says there’s no evidence that the Russian government was involved in shooting down that Malaysian airline… you know, other than giving the separatists the missile launcher and doing […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You must have heard it from my best friend. She’s always talkin’ when she should be listenin’. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Dutch forensic experts arrive on the scene of the downed Malaysian flight in eastern Ukraine, while Russian President Putin looks increasingly uncomfortable and suspicious. (Maybe because the Dutch are now considering […]

Israel’s ground assault on Gaza, along with relentless airstrikes, has pushed the civilian death toll to more than 260. Two Israelis have been reported killed in the fighting—and no Israelis have died yet from rockets launched by Hamas fighters. The United States has urged prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu to better mind civilian casualties—Israel believes Hamas […]

Rumors flared into reports this morning that a cease-fire was brewing between Israel and Hamas, rulers of the Gaza Strip. It is not. Not yet, at least. Combat has resumed after both sides agreed to a five-hour “humanitarian pause” on behalf of the terrorized Palestinian civilians dying by the dozens under Israeli airstrikes. Russia has […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Dip it low, pick it up slow. Roll it all around, poke it out, let your back roll. LET’S GO TO PRESS. And things get a little worse today in Gaza, as four Palestinian children are killed and one critically injured as a Israeli gunboat shells a beach where the kids were […]