Newsblast!

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I heard that prom night is a bomb night, with the hood rats you can hold tight. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Universally beloved poet/author/teacher/artist Maya Angelou—author of “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings”—has passed away at the age of 86. New Ukrainian leader Petro Poroshenko unleashes another wave of attacks on […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! Listen, I’d like to ask a question all across this country: Have you ever mistreated anybody to advance yourself? If you have… it’s coming up again. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Pro-Russian rebels seize an airport in Donetsk, setting off a huge battle with the Ukraine government who launched airstrikes and a paratrooper […]

Has anyone else noticed boiled water tastes weird? Is that a thing? As I begin writing this, Portland’s largest-ever boil order is still in effect. That could change late this morning, though. UPDATE: The boil alert has been lifted. Portland cops arrested a nude violinist outside the federal courthouse yesterday, citing a law that says […]

And then there was one. Earlier this week, only two states were left with an unchallenged ban on same-sex marriages—North Dakota and South Dakota. That changed yesterday. Six couples from South Dakota have filed a lawsuit in the name of marriage equality, leaving North Dakota all by its lonesome. Same-sex marriage is legal in 19 […]

McDonald’s has a long and cherished history of providing convenience, flavor, and fun for America’s harried homemakers and their families. It also employs hoards of impoverished people. That’s why convenience is so cheap! Yesterday, 2,000 workers and activists descended on the fast-food giant’s suburban Chicago campus (where waiters roam the tables, looking to refill your […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! You don’t have no business in this. Here’s your papers, baby, you are dismissed. LET’S GO TO PRESS. Okay, let’s see what all your voting in last night’s election got you: The proposed water district went down hard, Saltzman and Fish retain their seats, Rep. Deborah Kafoury defeated the wannabe comeback kid […]

Marriage equality in Oregon? Today? Seems likely. Seems very, very likely. A court decision on Oregon’s likely unconstitutional 2004 marriage ban is due out at noon—and waves of couples, if that’s the way Judge Michael McShane rules, are already standing by to take their place in history. For the third time, Russian strongman Vladimir Putin […]

Gas, bullets, a noose, or the electric chair? Odds are, you don’t care! If the government can’t figure out which concoction of injected chemicals most humanely murders a prisoner, most Americans say they’d still want the death penalty, but with a return to more old-fashioned means of execution. Progress! War has returned to Libya for […]

GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! There’s no sense in telling me, the wisdom of the fool won’t set you free. But that’s the way that it goes, and it’s what nobody knows. Well, every day my confusion grows. LET’S GO TO PRESS. New England Patriot Aaron Hernandez has been charged in connection with a double-murder in Boston—and […]