We’ve entered the “killing time until the curtain call” part of the Democratic race. a katz / Shutterstock.com Okay, can we finally be real and say that Hillary’s getting the nomination? Nobody’s still expecting it to swing over the Bernie at this point, right? His insurgency was exciting, the optimism felt really good (especially in […]
Politics
Posted inPolitics
A Few More Thoughts About Carly Fiorina Scurrying Aboard Cruz’s Sinking Ship
Fiorina: “I’ve always been one step ahead of you jokers. Unfortunately, it is now clear that you are now standing at the end of a pier.” Juli Hansen / Shutterstock.com Another brilliant business move from Carly Fiorina, as you have already heard by now: After withering away in the early days of the presidential race, […]
Posted inPolitics
Shake Up the City
It’s the Mercury‘s May 2016 Endorsement Guide!
It’s the Mercury’s May 2016 Endorsement Guide!
Posted inPolitics
Voting Made Easy!
Here’s Your Cheat Sheet For May’s Most Important Races
Here’s your cheat sheet for May’s most important races.
Posted inPolitics
So Did Ted Cruz Have an Affair or What?
Just imagine what it would be like to look down between your legs and see Ted Cruz down there making this face. Trevcor Collens / Shutterstock.com As Savage pointed out earlier, here are some things that the National Enquirer was right about: the John Edwards affair; Tiger Woods having an affair; Jesse Jackson having a […]
Posted inPolitics
Ted Cruz’s New Ad Is AMAZING
Politico: The Ted Cruz campaign is out with a new attack ad imagining Hillary Clinton and her inner circle sizing up her Republican competition and fretting over how they will ever stop Cruz. The ad is set in what appears to be Clinton’s war room, where her inner circle—fictional Huma Abedin, John Podesta and Robby […]
Posted inPolitics
Ted Cruz Salivates Over Toilet Troubles
Imagine what it would sound like to have Ted Cruz slowly licking his lips right next to your ear. Trevor Collens / Shutterstock.com Lately, mainstream America’s been having a kind of wake-up about trans people. That’s mostly meant acknowledging that they exist and are human beings with feelings, which is kind of rudimentary as far […]
Posted inPolitics
Idiots Expect World to Care that they Don’t Want Harriet Tubman on $20 Bill
Ben Carson: never-ending source of words, often assembled into sentences. louise wateridge / Shutterstock.com Hey everybody, aren’t you all clamoring to know what creepy doctor Ben Carson thinks about the pictures on American currency? As you have surely heard by now, Harriet Tubman will be replacing Andrew Jackson on the $20. As for Dr. Carson, […]
Posted inPolitics
Bernie Sanders Campaign Discovers They Actually Like Superdelegates After All
It’s the dignity of the political process that I find most inspiring. a katz / Shutterstock.com You might’ve heard that Hillary Clinton won yesterday’s New York primary. Lies! Well, not lies, exactly, but also not the complete story. Bernie actually won the overwhelming majority of counties. Across the vast majority of the state, Sanders came […]
Posted inPolitics
Hillary’s Devoting Significant Attention to Black Victims of Violence
Clinton & Sharpton. Evan El-Amin / Shutterstock.com I’m you’re looking to have your breath taken away by some stories of the real people behind political posturing, well, feast your eyes on this New York Times article about Hillary Clinton’s relationship with the mothers of black victims of violence. The whole profile reads like it was […]
Posted inPolitics
Liveblogging One More Democratic Debate
The contestants nervously await a decision about which one will have to leave the Big Brother house next. Joseph Sohm / Shutterstock.com Oh hello, candidates! It’s been far too long since we invited you into our homes to holler unpleasantly. Please, come in, kick off your shoes, and get ready to yell about policy. Bernie, […]
Posted inPolitics
Dildogazi: I Disapprove of Ted Cruz Stimulating His Genitals—But I Will Defend to the Death His Right to Rub One Out
Thanks to Mother Jones and Ted Cruz’s former college roommate… we get to think about Ted Cruz laying back in his bed in college dorm, slipping his right hand into his ripe boxer shorts, and slowly and carefully cranking one out while his traumatized college roommate pretends to sleep in the next bed. Take it […]