Hello Blogtown readers! I’m Mark, and through the power of hypnosis and positive visualization, I’ve convinced the Mercury staff to let me be the voice of the Portland Timbers on Blogtown. I’ll get around to introducing myself later, but there is news afoot! NEWS! GASP! Merritt Paulson, owner of the Portland Timbers Football Club and […]
Sports
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R.I.P. Duck
Former Blazer Kevin Duckworth passed away last night at his home in Gleneden Beach, he was 44. The husky Blazers center was a fan-favorite and the a key element of the team’s 1990 and ’92 Western Conference Championship teams. Off the court he was a delight, the former player you were most likely to run […]
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WE ARE (not) THE CHAMPIONS!
As many of you know, the Mercury is just one of the teams in Portland’s favorite bar/ restaurant/ media/ retirement home/ domestic abuse shelter softball league. The final games of the season were yesterday, and in a surprising — but not entirely unwelcome upset — local Alberta watering hole THE KNOW (2026 NE Alberta) defeated […]
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Tiger Woods Walks On Water
Tiger Woods is the greatest thing to happen to golf since Caddyshack, and if this ad from Portland’s own Weiden+Kennedy is to be believed, he’s also the second coming of Christ. The promo, a spot created for Electronic Arts’ upcoming Tiger Woods ’09 virtual golfing title, refutes the claims of YouTube user Levinator25 who had […]
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Lents Neighbors Gnaw on Beaver’s Stadium Issues
The Mercury editorial team headed out to a Beavers game at PGE Park last night, working its way through a combined 23 beers and, at one point, watching a “musical beach towel” contest that made everyone feel a little sadder. Within the next year, Portland may take be viewing its Beavers and musical beach towel […]
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Brandon Roy Needs Arthroscopic Knee Surgery (Panic!)
It sure is nice being a Blazers fan these days–Greg Oden is healthy, Rudy Fernandez is on his way (even if he isn’t too racially sensitive), Jerryd Bayless had an amazing summer league… things are looking up for the red and black. Really, what could possibly go wrong? PORTLAND, Ore. – The Portland Trail Blazers […]
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New Kanye West Video: Puppet Olympics!
You know, Kanye West brings up a very good point in his sports-themed new video for his single “Champions“: Why aren’t puppets allowed to participate in the Olympics?? That’s B.S., man. B.S.!!
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That’s Our Bush!
Yay! More photos of President Bush having the fucking time of his life at the Olympics! Bush booing the Chinese! Bush showing his support of our beach volleyball team by wiping the sand off that lucky girl’s bottom. What’s your favorite part of this picture? Bush’s visor, his pool of back sweat, or the fact […]
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Your Olympic Photo Album
Why are these 2,008 drummers from the Olympics opening ceremony smiling? Because they want us to know that they have absolutely no intention of using their awe-inspiring ability to work together to invade our country and enslave our lazy asses throughout eternity. (Gulp.) Thanks guys! Hey, look everybody! It’s the oldest member of the Chinese […]
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Smug British Man Goes To Timbers Game
As a soccer side, the Portland Timbers are truly shit. Woeful. Terrible. I’m used to watching half-assed football, but this was something else. TIMBERS: Eye-bleedingly unwatchable this season… Nevertheless, don’t let the fact that the on-pitch action is less skillful and inspiring than watching Bruce Willis act sincerity, put you off. Because the atmosphere at […]
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Olympics Opening Ceremony… in 30 Seconds!
Look, we know you’re busy. So here’s the entire Olympics Opening Ceremony (which actually occurred this morning Beijing time) condensed into 30 seconds! (Or you can watch the whole thing tonight on NBC starting at 8 pm.) Hold on… is that dude with the torch flying?? Aw, hell no!
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Blazers 2008-2009 Schedule!
NBA Commissioner David Stern has emerged from his dark cave (where he fixes games and hates on adorable kittens) to release the 2008-2009 schedule. The Blazers kickoff the season on Tuesday, October 28th in Los Angeles against the Lakers (nationally televised on TNT). Their home opener–and the debut of Greg Oden, Jerryd Bayless, and Rudy […]