What’s She Mad About Now?

WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking announcement on Tuesday, “President” Donald J. Trump announced that his entire 18-month tenure as commander-in-chief has been a prank for a new show he’s developing for NBC called Trump’d. “John McCain was no war hero,” Trump said when asked what he thought of the recently deceased US Senator from Arizona. “I […]

ON HIS WRITING SKILLS A: “After having written many best selling books, and somewhat priding myself on my ability to write, it should be noted that the Fake News constantly likes to pore over my tweets looking for a mistake. I capitalize certain words only for emphasis, not b/c they should be capitalized!” B: “I […]

There were people who saw the authoritarian in Trump from day one, and they sounded the alarm. But at that point, we had been crying “Nazi” on the internet for so long, it had become a trope. This inspired attorney Michael Godwin to create Godwin’s Law, essentially saying that the first person to invoke a […]

In an astonishing turn of events, Adolph Hitler, who’s been burning in eternal hellfire since his death in 1945, has clawed his way up to the earth’s surface to make it clear that he’s nothing like Donald Trump. Immediately booked on Tucker Carlson’s show, Hitler seemed super annoyed when the Fox News host opened with […]

In a move that shocked but did not appall Republican members of Congress, President Donald J. Trump spent a week committing state and federal crimes throughout Washington, DC, before pardoning himself for a long list of crimes on Monday morning. When congressional Democrats expressed their dismay, the president didn’t appear to have much empathy. “I […]

According to Fox News, a government mole met “several times” with Trump staffers Carter Page and George Papadopoulos during the run-up to the 2016 election, prompting the President to “hereby” declare multiple times that he would demand an inquiry into this scandal that was “bigger than Watergate.” But how could a mole infiltrate the Trump […]

Dear Mr. Trump, Thank you for your interest in co-managing the Sandusky, Ohio, TGIFridays location. Based on my review of both your résumé and the Washington Post, below are some concerns we have about your current fitness for the position: 1) Social Skills: Here at TGIFridays, name-calling is a no-no. Last week one of our […]

To celebrate Earth Day, I decided to make myself a wine spritzer, run a tepid and shallow bubble bath (water is life!), and visit the EPA’s website to read up on climate change. I was disappointed to discover that the site was being updated. “Thank you for your interest in this topic,” the home page […]

1) Men in Hollywood are complaining they’ve been forced to hire ugly men instead of beautiful women for the same positions because they’re afraid of sexual harassment claims. Clearly, they’re unaware that it’s possible to hire a woman you’re attracted to and not try to get inside her power suit. PRO TIP: Not punishing people […]

An open letter from Donald J. Trump to Vladimir Putin re: sanctions.