In a move that shocked but did not appall Republican members of Congress, President Donald J. Trump spent a week committing state and federal crimes throughout Washington, DC, before pardoning himself for a long list of crimes on Monday morning.
When congressional Democrats expressed their dismay, the president didn’t appear to have much empathy.
“I pretty much told you exactly what I was going to do,” said the president, still covered in chocolate, other people’s blood, and gun powder. “You people are really, really stupid. ‘Stupid America’ is your new nickname.”
The president recounted his activities prior to his presidential pardon, offering up a play-by-play of his week.
“I started with small stuff,” he said. “I stole a roll of Lifesavers from a deli and then committed mail fraud, which was more fun than I thought it would be, I can tell you that.”
He then asked a member of the Secret Service to get a tire iron out of his limo trunk and ordered him to break the window of a Toyota Camry parked on North Capitol Street.
“I asked the president if there was an emergency, like a dog or baby trapped in the car,” the agent reported. “He told me that ‘Japanese cars were for pussies.’”
Refusing to break the window himself, the agent handed the tire iron to the president, who hit the window seven times without breaking it, then punched a priest and got back into the limo.
Trump was less clear on what happened for the rest of the week, he claimed, because he had done “a lot of cocaine and poppers.” However, what follows is a rough list of his crimes:
• Jaywalking across Pennsylvania Avenue
• Aggravated assault (slapping
Anderson Cooper)
• Petty theft (from Anderson Cooper)
• Kidnapping Anderson Cooper
• False imprisonment of Anderson Cooper while trying to explain his lack of collusion, and/or that it totally was collusion, but everyone does it and/or it’s not illegal anymore
• Starting a drug cartel, then a drug war, then shooting at his enemies with a grenade-launcher-enabled automatic weapon after doing a mountain of cocaine and asking the aforementioned enemies to “say hello to his little friend.”
Asked why he avoided hate crimes, money laundering, bribery, and sexual assault on his crime spree, the president claimed those were all “old news,” and that he had “lost the thrill—like porn you’ve watched too many times, or your current wife.”
After listing the crimes, he crossed each one out with a red Sharpie while repeating, “Oh, pardon me,” giving special care to the lines that included collusion and obstruction of justice.
When informed of the president’s activities and pardons, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stated he would “look into” whether what the president did was illegal, but “he had a lot on his plate, so wasn’t sure when he would get to it.”
The president is currently on the second floor balcony of the White House, naked, holding a fencing epée to Anderson Cooper’s throat, forcing the journalist to give him a spray tan.
Truer than you know?
Beware Mr. Sessions (And DOJ): You will have been recruited (Impeaching Felony Benefits Thefts) by the Communists/International-Crime when you fail/refuse to enforce the “Eternal Minimums” of the “1948 Standard Provisions” (Title 22) that automatically-revises any/all future/further “inferior provisions” upon policy-issue by the Commissioners of Insurance…HEAR THIS MR. MUELLER?….the Unification Science Upgrades (WARRANTED, since 1988-89 at http://www.PRLog.Org/10439874 and http://www.ScientificGrandJuryHandbook.blogspot.com) will “show you where to stop” (with valid warrant/law enforcement)….that/non-enforcement isn’t it (pre-existing illness/injury)…what about where the employer failed/refused pre-employment-exams? What about SDI that includes pre-existing-injury/illness (validly/consentually, from the onset/creation)? Realize “FEE/FI/FOE/FOM” this is where “all/most of the money is”(insurance trusts), the enemy’s/communists’ “main target” (and, after ADA, you’ll be murdering the “working disabled” to deny them due-benefits)…If they “paid premiums, they’re due benefits”, the BASIC RULE…this does include “EMPLOYER PAID PORTIONS” (AS WITH UNEMPLOYMENT) from the profits employees have made…..exaggerated benefits from “Employer Liability Insurance” (beyond the minimums), you don’t want to actually force insurers/employers to pay? Watch those “cigs from CA” they’ve apparently slipped Mr. Trump…THE PROBLEM IS IN “U.S. CODE SERVICE [FEDERALLY] AND STATE COMMISSIONERS OF INSURANCE” MALFUNCTIONS…..THEY HAVEN’T/DIDN’T “REVISE THE TERMS/PROVISIONS BACK TO THE STANDARD INSURANCE PROVISIONS OF 1948 (UPON POLICY ISSUANCE)…AS “THE LAW” DIRECTS, FOREVER….SINCE WWII (1948)….Send the “Just Compensation For Public Usage” (CONSTITUTIONALLY REQUIRED NOT TO BE AN ENEMY/CRIMINAL EFFORT) AND WE’LL GET BUSY ON TEACHING DAs/AGs THE ALREADY WARRANTED UPGRADES (OBSTRUCTED SINCE 1988-89)…RCCFM: Always(c): Dr. Eric USRecovery@Gmail.com BEWARE OF IMITATIONS/COUNTERFEITS….NOTE:These are the most prevalent forms/types of “Communist Misinformation” that exists….AS IT’S “WHERE ALL THE MONEY IS IN DOING SO”…