Who says Republicans can’t take a joke? After seeing this week’s “New Column!” in the Mercury—titled “Will Someone Please Adopt… SCRUFFLES, THE GOP KITTEN?”—the Multnomah County Republicans decided to post a rebuttal column of sorts on their blog called “WIMPY, THE PORTLAND MERCURY KITTEN.” Here’s a taste!
Meet Wimpy, the Portland Mercury Kitten. He’s a two-month-old, ginger tabby who loves warm snuggles. Also…
• Wimpy is a committed atheist who worships government scientists instead of God, and knows that anyone who questions anything a government scientist says must have something seriously wrong with them. Wimpy firmly believes that only by doing everything that government experts tell us can we avoid an environmental apocalypse.
• Wimpy loves wrestling with balls of yarn, and giving affectionate “head butts” during cuddle time.
• Wimpy is terrified that fossil fuel use is about to put Portland deep under water, since he cannot swim, and believes that we need to pay billionaires to make poor quality low carbon fuels that no one wants to keep the polar ice caps from melting.
Oh, and there’s a lot more here! In all, I’d say this was a valiant effort—considering the GOP’s past experience with the concept of “humor”—though I would advise them to focus on making their jokes a bit tighter and not so wordy. And maybe not plagiarize so much? But otherwise, a solid C+ (which is like two grades higher than they usually get… so YAY!) Also? Super cute kitten!
Shockingly, their response hammers home precisely why they perform so piss-poorly in Multnomah County.
This is one of the cutest little guys ever, Love the thought of owing him or her. Is he up for adoption? Seriously, I want him or her.
Buuurrrrn! I’m voting for whoever “loves the Pixies and did tons of acid”, red or blue.
Regardless of politics, I’d have to say ‘well-played’.
Could use a little PUNCH UP. Anybody got some PUNCH UP? I’m completely spent, creatively.
If Wimpy was around in the late 70’s, Wimpy would have believed government scientists global cooling theories. Are you sure that Wimpy is cat and not a lemming?
That’s undeniably the best comedy writing I’ve ever read by a major-party congressional candidate who got 19% of the general election vote.
They just cut-and-pasted every other bullet point? They really couldn’t come up with their own examples of cute things a kitten would do? That’s just sad.
Plagiarists are Takers, not Makers.
The Multnomah County Republican Party website? Who even knew such a thing existed?
I guess they’re getting all “web savvy” –they want to do it right, which is why they hired a company run by Democrats to build it.
Their grasp of comedy is so unsure, they couldn’t come up with a better name than “Wimpy.” Seriously guys; this is your problem. You don’t do irony well. You don’t do irony at all. Without it, you don’t have the humor so much. Sorry.
(Not sorry.)
I meant own not owing. If he needs a home,and he doesn’t probably , but then again- maybe he needs loving home. Couldn’t sleep at all.
Wimpy,your a doll,
@rich_bachelor They went with “Wimpy” because it’s the nastiest insult a Republican can throw at someone.
Not “stupid” or “cruel” or “greedy” or “asshole” –being Republicans, those are all considered virtues.
The only insult that goes lower would be “poor,” the worst cut of them all.