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We have a raccoon at our house. A big, scary, raccoon not afraid of a damn thing in this world. Oh, and it’s now residing in our crawlspace, eating our garden, and totally not contributing to our hippie chore wheel. So being the wuss that I am, I have hired a crawlspace specialist (who knew such a career exists?) to rummage deep below our house and help us stop this evil creature from living beneath us. Seems fair.

But what I did not know is that—according to the very entertaining man we hired—raccoons hate the Ramones. Much like Miss Evelyn Togar, raccoons dislike rock and roll, and in his expert opinion nothing will flush this creature out like the Ramones.

And it’s not just anything in the Ramones catalog, it’s one song in particular…

LISTEN:


The Ramones – “Blitzkrieg Bop”

I swear to God I am not making this up. I’ll let you know if it works…

End Hits: We like the Ramones more than we like raccoons.

Ezra Ace Caraeff is the former Music Editor for the Mercury, and spent nearly a third of his life working at the paper. More importantly, he is the owner of Olive, the Mercury’s unofficial office dog....

6 replies on “Raccoons Hate the Ramones”

  1. Feed those fuckers a raw egg in a dish on the porch every evening at the same time. After a few days they’ll come out on cue. While the beast is eating, board up your crawlspace. This isn’t rocket science.

  3. As long as you have a raccoon living under your house, you won’t have any mice or rats. I think they like to eat ants and termites also. And you will have very few dogs in your yard, let alone cats.

  4. I have three cats and 1 dog that go outside. My neighbor also has 3 outdoor cats and a dog, and a group of raccoons that live under his porch. Both his cats and my cats get along very well with the raccoons. I’ve come outside at night and found the raccoons and my cats sitting within a few feet of each other, just going about their business. I’ve also seen the raccoons go under my neighbors porch, and then seen his cats follow them under there, without any fighting. Since they don’t fight, and my cats are current on their vaccines, I don’t mind the raccoons at all. The way I see it, I only pay to take care of 4 pets, but get to enjoy 7+. I also never have any food go to waste. Whatever isn’t appropriate for my compost just goes outside on a plate, and the raccoons come and take care of it. I’d say, if they aren’t damaging anything or causing any other problems, just let them be. They’re neat animals.

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