Hey, it’s STUPID CAT FRIDAY, y’all! And just take a look at this stupid, stupid cat! HEY, STUPID CAT! You do know that fish is behind glass, right? HA! Of course you don’t, because you don’t even know what glass is! Well, let me drop a little “Glass 101” knowledge in your kibble—THIS PARTICULAR GLASS IS THICK, STUPID! LIKE YOUR STUPID CAT HEAD! And… and… actually? Forget what I just said.
Get the fishy, stupid cat! Go on! Get the delicious fishy!!

HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! Stupid cat.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)