I’d just like to point out to the internet that the Mercury girl date package is only at $127.50 right now. We are actually going for less than the boy date. This is historically unprecedented, not to mention distinctly humiliating, and it occurs to me that the language of the auction item might be a problem. I, for one, do not want to hang out with a group of girls who threaten to get drunk and “tell a few too many truths.” That sounds fucking terrible. Plus, in our eBay listings we had to be somewhat judicious with the words “date” and “get wasted,” which might have led to this item sounding less fun than it actually is. (Do I sound desperate right now? I feel a little desperate.) So allow me to rephrase it: “Win a date with the Mercury girls! Get wasted—drinks on us!” Is that a little bit better? No intimate confessions, I promise—just rowdy drinking, plus karaoke or dancing or pool or whatever bar-based activity gets you excited (hand jobs not included, but not NOT included, if you know what I mean). Buy us here.
Whereas on the boy date, hand jobs are not not NOT included. No. Hold on, they ARE INCLUDED. TOTALLY FREE OF CHARGE. No. Yes. Wait…
If I had money, I’d totally be bidding on the boy date right now.
I bet you would, sweetie.
To be fair, I’m not that attractive in real life. And I also don’t smoke.
But don’t let that dissuade you! This date will be awesome!
Also, Will Radik, you’re not helping. Be more like Matt and creep people out of bidding on the guys’ package.
If you win the boy date I’ll let you touch my beard.
Is that creepy?
Also not mentioned in the girl date description: Lots and lots of NAG NAG NAG.
Smirk, don’t sell yourself short. Being attractive is all in the attitude.
And the cleavage.
Scrappers has an awesome beard.
That’s all I can really contribute here.
It’s a shadow of it’s former self.
A meek whimper of of facial hair, but the wires are still live.
Oh and I just got word that there will be hand jobs on the boy date for sure. RT said he would give himself one or two while we’re out and about.
Will, we could go in on it together!
Or!
We could just find out where they’re going, make shirts that say “former intern” and follow then around town with bottles of lotion (b/c Matt seems to be unsure about this hand job business, so we should be prepared). You can wear my new chicken costume, and I’ll wear the dino.
Can I bid on both dates, and and then drink in the back of the distro van with everyone during the weekday?
my wife wouldn’t let me. *sigh*
“To be fair, I’m not that attractive in real life.”
As someone that has seen you in real life…I disagree…you are.
Now I’ll just go back to being creepy on the internet somewhere else.
If I knew hand jobs were not NOT included, I might’ve considered a bid.