In this week’s paper, we’ve got a retrospective on outgoing Mayor Charlie Hales’ travails with the homelessness crisis that took root during his tenure. We talked to a boatload of people in writing that story, but one person we didn’t reach out to was local advocate for the homeless (and former mayoral candidate) Jessie Sponberg.
As it turns out, Sponberg’s got a lot of thoughts—so many that he spent the week writing an “A Visit From St. Nicholas”-style paean to Hales’ time in office. And if you know Sponberg, you’ve already surmised it’s not too charitable to Hales or the city’s police force.
In the spirit of the holidays we figured we’d put it here, since its author didn’t get a chance to read it himself at Hales’ last city council meeting yesterday.
“I was gonna read it at city council but I woke up too late,” Sponberg explains. “LOL.”
Hit the jump for the poem.
twas the night before christmas and all through my tent
it snowed while I slept now my bed is all wet
the ‘no trespassing’ signs were all hung with great care
to make us aware the cops soon would be theremy children were all huddled because its cold on the ground
dreaming that someday some affordable housing is found
the mayor of course says they’re building- as usual
but if these were his kids I bet he wouldn’t be so casualwhen out in the distance there arose a great rumbling
i sprung from the stack of skinny blankets I’ve been bundling
i stuck my head out and was so sad to witness
red and blue lights not the colors of christmaswhen a crusty old buster, so rot and decrepit
with extra free time from not being re-elected
cursed to the moon which echoed under the bridge
“I cancel funding for programs! I don’t care about kids”he rode a sled which was carried by 8 flying swine
plus a flying Mark Kruger which brought it to nein
“you all look the same who cares what your name is
you just keep beating people and I’ll give you all raises”the magic of the holidays fades to amazement
the snow falls upon the town like waves of displacement
the cold breeze carries the scent of rents raised
and I’m thinking thank God Charlie’s gone in 6 daysthe whole town held its breath awaiting the first
“it has to get better for it couldn’t be worse”
“our mayor’s a disgruntled, corrupted old lump
who stood by Steve Novick who stood on a stump”so him and his pigs and his parters from ODOT
came to our spot with the compassion of robots
and tossed into their truck all my worldly possessions
my identifications and my prescription medicinesnot a glimmer of love did he show in this pinch
“you’re worse than the grinch Chuck you son of a bitch!”
“the people all hate you! you’ve broken our city!
you suck more than baby Jesus did upon Mary’s tittie!”and I heard him exclaim as they drove away fatter,
“Merry Christmas to all and All Lives Matter”
Thanks for that, Mr. Sponberg. Given Hales’s failures, how would you like the next Mayor to fulfill the responsibilities of his office?
Go Jessie! You’ll always be the Mayor of Little Beirut, no matter who is the mayor of PDX.
We can only hope Ted Wheeler will be competent, even if he is just another rich white guy divorced for the reality of our citzenry. When will City Council learn to ride the bus so they can see what life is like for the workers? You can learn a lot more about diversity on the bus than you can on a boondoggle at some swanky golf course guys.
Also, can someone get Fritz off the fritz? Sad how she sold out. Maybe having Chloe on council will remind Fritz about ethics and real democracy. Zero hope for Saltzman & Fish. Do NOT understand why they keep getting re-elected. Shady shady shady.
At any rate, we will always remember Hales as a historical disaster and everyone on his council who was re-elected share in his guilt. We will never forgive you for that latest police contract that gave them permission to remain brutes and to bring on brute friends with zero background check so police departments can continue to shuffle around dangerous bigots the way the Catholic Church shuffled around pedophile priests. Way to sell out Fritz.
But hey, oppressing and robbing the poor has been grand sport for awhile. How nice that Hales, Saltzman, Fish & others got to pad their portfolios in the process. Hope the ghost of Xmas Past drops by to stomp their self-centered sociopathic arses this holiday and that their homes are visited by anarchist carolers.
Still, to give credit where it’s due, Hales HAS managed to make Katz & Adams look good. What an accomplishment!