Dear puny humans... HULK BROKE! First, landlord make Hulk pay “extra tenant fee” for puny Bruce Banner! Then, Hulk get “let go” from Forever 21! (Hulk fight with Assistant Manager Jenny! Hulk HATE Assistant Manager Jenny! She body shame Hulk.) And THEN Nigerian prince—not Black Panther—email Hulk and ask for $3,000! In return, Hulk get million bucks! But it six months and Nigerian prince not return Hulk emails. If Hulk can’t trust Nigerian prince, who can Hulk trust?!?

Anyway, Hulk need money! So Hulk have plan: write fake news! Hulk hear Russia pay good ruble for stories that not have single fact. Hulk perfect for job, because Hulk SMASH facts! Watch!

“SCANDAL! Captain America Not Born in America! Click Story!”

WASHINGTON, DC—Puny humans think Captain America good American. Puny humans wrong! Captain America born in... Latveria? Same place as... Doctor Doom? Captain America is also jerk! The end!

Here another one!

“CLICKBAIT! Black Widow in Love with Hulk! (Naked Picture)”

NEW YORK CITY, NY—Puny humans think sexy Black Widow not got hots for anyone. That not right! Sexy Black Widow got hots for Hulk! “Oh Hulk!” Black Widow really said. “Black Widow want to kiss him on mouth hard.” The end!

Here another one!

“SHOCKING THING TO READ! Donald Trump Lie About Everything! (Win $100 for Reading Article!)”

WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Donald Trump make big promise to win election—but according to lying “lamestream” media at New York Times, Donald Trump lie! Wait... if... New York Times always lie, does that mean Donald Trump not lie? Hulk confused. Hulk start to feel like world not make sense anymore. Hulk have serious concern about direction of America. Hulk sad and afraid. The end!

Maybe... maybe Hulk ask Assistant Manager Jenny for job back. Hulk work evening and weekend, no problem! At least until Nigerian prince pay Hulk. Then Hulk take Black Widow to Red Lobster! The end!