Party columns don’t write themselves. So a “Bunco party,” you say? Yes, and I’ll be drunk before I get there.

This was one of the most fun parties I’ve ever been invited to. So much so, in fact, that I’ll start with an introduction to the fabulous game of Bunco, which you all must play at your next party with a number of attendees that’s divisible by four. What follows is based on 16 participants, all of whom were couples except for the person who invited me and myself.

Step 1: You need the following: 16 score cards, 15 friends with a profound lack of pride or shame, 12 dice, eight pencils and pads of paper, four tables and hole punches, a loud bell, copious amounts of drugs and liquor, good food, a kill space, and a lively sense of humor.

Step 2: Bunco is played in four sets of six rounds each. Or, if you’re overly ambitious, six sets of six rounds each. You’ll still only play four sets, because the human body can only ingest so much alcohol before losing the ability to count.

Step 3: Everyone receives a sealed envelope containing their scorecard and initial table assignment. Tables are numbered one to four, with table one being the champion’s table, and table four being a sunken place of punishment.

Step 4: Once four players have assumed their spots at their respective tables, table one rings a bell and stomps their feet to start a round, which consists of players taking turns throwing three dice, attempting to roll as many of the number corresponding with the number of the round as possible, before table one scores 21 points.

Step 5: Each table is divided into two temporary teams. Each individual die rolled with the desired number earns one point and allows the player to continue rolling. If a player rolls three dice of the same number not corresponding with the number of the round, their team earns five points, and continues rolling. If a player rolls three of the desired number, their team earns 21 points, and if that team is sitting at table one, they ring the bell and stomp their feet to end the round.

Step 6: The winning team from each table punches their scorecard, levels up, and forms a new team at a “better” table. The losing team remains at their current table and forms new teams with whoever has leveled up or down to join them. Winners at table one remain at table one; losers are demoted to table four, which at this party was a dark basement closet (i.e. kill space).

Step 7: Get as drunk as possible, as quickly as possible, for the rules to make the most sense.

Step 7 was taken most seriously, with chasers of meat, cheese, and baked mac ’n’ cheese, and an unexpected debate over “Two Girls, One Cup,” making this the first party to earn 12 out of 10 points.