Happy New Year! Wow, 2018 sure was... a passage of time, wasnât it? Believe it or not, 2018 was only one calendar year! And if youâre thinking, âHey, that sucked, but at least itâs over!â keep in mind that we said the same thing about 2017 and 2016. Itâs possibleâeven plausibleâthat this is just life now. So thatâs fun. And itâs only been a few months since the Portland Mercuryâs beloved gossip columnist Ann Romano stepped down and I began writing this column. Seems like longer, doesnât it? A lot happened in 2018, and while we can vividly remember all the dark shit we slogged through, itâs harder to keep the happy memories fresh. So with an assist from my good friend and former page-mate Ann Romano, letâs nestle into our happy archives and revisit some of the truly good things that happened this year.
#MeToo and Oprah at the Golden Globes
January 7 (via Ann Romano): Tonight, on a women-dominated edition of the Golden Globes, which featured attendees dressed in all black and accompanying activists to bring attention to sexual harassment and abuse, Oprah Winfrey gave a rousing, emotion-packed speech that brought the audience (and internet) to its feet. âWhat I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we all have,â she said. âSo I want all the girls watching here and now to know that a new day is on the horizon! And when that new day finally dawns, it will be because of a lot of magnificent women... and some pretty phenomenal men, are fighting hard to make sure that they become the leaders who take us to the time when nobody ever has to say âMe tooâ again.â And while political pundits are making a case for a possible 2020 run, Oprah remains coy on the subject. But is it too much to dream of a ticket that includes Oprahâand while weâre dreamingâMichelle Obama AND BeyoncĂ©?
Black Panther Came Out
February 18 (via Ann Romano): Today in âRepresentation Mattersâ: Black Panther! Black Panther! Blaaaaaaack Paaaaaaaanther! From the New York Times: â[Blaaaaaaack Paaaaaaaanther!!] roared into theaters over the weekend as a full-blown cultural event, breaking box office records and shattering a myth about the overseas viability of movies rooted in Black culture. Global ticket sales by Monday will total an estimated $387 million, according to comScore.â If youâre a numbers person, that means Black Panther has delivered the fifth-highest opening weekend ever, the biggest opening ever for a Black director (Ryan Coogler) and a female cinematographer (Rachel Morrison), the biggest February movie ever, and best of all? Itâs SOOOO GOOOD. Black Panther is beloved and deserves that money because it offers a positive representation of women and African culture, and that means so very much right now. However, do not be the sole white person in the theater occasionally screaming âBlaaaaaack Paaaaaaaanther!â As the manager sternly informed us, âMaâam, weâre excited that youâre excitedâbut no one needs to hear that.â
Taylor and Katy Made Up
May 8 (via Ann Romano): âTaylor Swift just announced the end of her heavily publicized, seemingly never-ending feud with Katy Perry,â reports Elle! Tay-Tay announced the shocking peace accord via an Instagram story that showed âthe LITERAL OLIVE WREATH that Perry sent her,â Elle explains. âThank you, Katy,â Swift wrote, including two heart emojis, and only somewhat passive-aggressively making it so that the only part we could see of Katyâs note were the words âdeeply sorryâ and vague references to âpast communications and feelings between us.â So pat yourselves on the back however many times you want, North and South Korea! We donât care. All we care about is Katy and Tay-Tay... BFFs at last!
Bert and Ernie Are Confirmed Romantic Life Partners
September 27 (via me): For one: YAY! And for two: NO DUH! Muppets writer Mark Saltzman recently confirmed in an interview with Queerty that the âspecialâ Muppet friendship between Ernie and Bert was based on his real-life romantic relationship with another man. This had a lot of people âYAS KWEENâing, until the official Sesame Workshop Twitter came in and dumped on everyone with puritanical baloney about Muppets not having a sexual orientation. This is like some estranged, clueless dad insisting to his buddies at the bingo hall that his daughter is actually straight while not being invited to her lesbian wedding. Cheers to Bert and Ernie! May you take baths and bicker for years to come.
Michelle Obama Is Crushing It
November 8 (via me): Iâm writing this before the midterm elections, and youâre reading it after. As I do in times of anxiety and despair, Iâve been turning to my best friends Barry and Michelle. Michelle Obamaâs book, Becoming, is dropping on November 13 and I hope youâve already pre-ordered it for all the important women in your life (like me)! Sheâs embarking on a big book tour, and while thousands will gladly pay hundreds of dollars to see her speak, because she is wonderful, Michelle Obama is giving 10 percent of her tickets away to a variety of community organizationsâparticularly those with a focus on girlsâ leadership and education. Ugh, Michelle Obama, stop being so perfect. Just kidding, be more perfect. Just kidding, thatâs impossible, because youâre perfect.
Miscellaneous Nice Things
December 6 (via me): Queer Eyeâs Jonathan Van Ness is learning how to figure skate and he regularly shares clips on his Instagram. Big cows are a thing. The Good Place hasnât been canceled. The Great British Bake-Off isnât as bad as we all worried it would be without Mary Berry and Mel and Sue. Ariana Grande is grinding hard. And Robert Mueller is grinding hardest of all; those little Trumper boys may yet experience consequences for the first time in their lives.
The Last Word of 2018/ The First Word of 2019
See? It wasnât all bad! Letâs stitch ourselves a quilt of those pleasant memories (can someone stitch mine for me? I canât sew and I wonât learn) that we can burrow under when 2019 gets rough, which, if recent years are any indication, it probably will. But hopefully 2019 will also deliver bad things to bad people, good things to good people, and to you and yours, plenty of wine and clean water. (And martinis!âAnn) Cheers, dears! Letâs go!
