Jamie McCarthy, Rich Fury, istmylisa, and moagg / Getty Images

If you’re anything like me—Adam Driver, two-time Academy Award nominee, NBD—you’d better know how to tip!

Funny story: I was in the 2019 Broadway revival of Burn This—for which I received a Tony nomination, NBD—and one night after rehearsal I was dining with my co-star Keri Russell (winner of the Golden Globe for Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series—Drama, NBD) at New York’s posh Eleven Madison Park (winner of seven James Beard Awards, NBD) when I noticed Keri had tipped the sommelier 25 dollars! Now, some might argue that a good somm can be tipped upward of $50-100, especially if they’ve recommended a well-suited vintage... but I disagree.

“Here’s a fiver, courtesy of Adam Driver,” I told him, slipping $5 to the sommelier. (BTW, this same somm recently stopped me on the street and had nothing but raves regarding my performance in Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story—which, incidentally, was also praised by noted critic Matt Goldberg who called my work “astounding” and “the best performance of the year,” NBD).

Another funny story: Just after I finished Girls (for which I received three consecutive Emmy nominations, NBD), I accepted a groundbreaking role in BlacKkKlansman. (Did I mention I got Oscar and Golden Globe noms for that? In any case, NBD) We filmed in Colorado Springs and stayed at the Garden of the Gods Resort & Club (a four-star hotel as determined by Yelp, NBD), and director Spike Lee (who won the Grand Prix at Cannes, NBD) wondered aloud how much he should tip the hotel concierge for not only picking up and delivering his dry cleaning but going back to the cleaners and demanding starch in his collars.

“Common courtesy dictates tipping at least $20 for one trip to the cleaners,” Spike noted, “but two trips? I’m thinking $50-75.”

“Or you could tell him you’re Adam Driver,” I told him, “and tip him a fiver!”

He thought that was funny. I’m not sure why. I’m Adam Driver, and I tip everyone a fiver.

In fact, once I told an Uber driver to wait for me outside the Hollywood mansion of Joaquin Phoenix (who just won the Screen Actors Guild Best Actor award for Joker, NBD) so I could quickly drop off a basket of bloody thorns—which I commissioned from conceptual artist Yayoi Kusama, at a cost of $1.2 million, NBD—and ended up making the driver wait 17 hours. (We were doing some stuff.) Long story short, I apologized profusely, and said, “For being so patient, I’d like to tip you $500... but I can’t. I’m Adam Driver, so here’s a fiver.”

Here’s my point: It’s easy to overthink gratuities! So the next time you’re wondering, “How much should I tip my Christmas tree stylist or coffee enema barista?” Don’t deprive her! Tip her a fiver. My name’s Adam Driver.