1) Men in Hollywood are complaining they’ve been forced to hire ugly men instead of beautiful women for the same positions because they’re afraid of sexual harassment claims. Clearly, they’re unaware that it’s possible to hire a woman you’re attracted to and not try to get inside her power suit. PRO TIP: Not punishing people for your own weaknesses makes you a non-trash person!
2) More than 1,000 evangelical pastors are planning to meet with the president in June and have suggested Trump’s hotel as a location. So the only thing evangelical and ethical have in common are those last four letters.
3) I wasn’t able to score tickets to see the touring company of Hamilton, because I didn’t have a house to mortgage and also, I don’t like Hamilton. Don’t @ me.
4) The creator of the algorithm that automatically refreshes your Facebook and Twitter feed in order to increase the size of our dopamine hits owes me like 10,000 hours. I spent at least that on Twitter during the election, and I thought it would wane as soon as I knew who won. But now I wake up and check to see who may have been grump-tweeting during the night and then suddenly it’s noon and I’m hate-crying and I still don’t have pants on.