In his eternal pursuit of “small town justice,” Conan O’Brien spends his week in Dallas, Texas auditioning for the sheriff of Johnson County to be an actual deputy. Weirdly, things don’t go quite as planned in another of Conan’s hilarious remotes—the best in late night TV! (Seriously, giving him a gun is a terrible idea!) (Actually, giving him his own buddy cop show with the sheriff of Johnson County is the the best idea ever!)

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)