There’s been a lot of discussion surrounding the national anthem recently, and… I’m sorry, I should capitalize that, right? National Anthem. There, that’s better. I could probably be more respectful, actually. I’m not sure it’s enough to just capitalize the first letter of each word. I mean, damn, I capitalize the first letters of Burger and King and I’m supposed to sit here and pretend that Burger King deserves just as much respect as the National Anthem? The whole reason we founded this country was so we wouldn’t be under the boot heel of an unchecked monarchy, and here I am grammatically kneeling before a King? Not just any king, either—a German (burger!) king!? No. No! No, I will not see my patriotism corrupted by the AP Style Guide’s relentless disregard for the sacrifices made by the troops. It’s the red, white, and blue, not the red, Strunk & White, and blue. I’m going to spell it NATIONAL ANTHEM, and if you don’t like it, move to Belgrade.
There. NATIONAL ANTHEM. That feels respectful enough. So there’s been a lot of discussion surround the NATIONAL ANTHEM recently, and….
No. It’s not enough. It’s not. There are other anthems. Other people shouldn’t be allowed to make anthems, it should be a right reserved for the United States of America… I’m sorry, UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, and it should be used exclusively to honor the troops. I’m sorry, The Troops. I’m sorry, THE TROOPS.