Greetings, surface dwellers! It is I, Aquaman—King of Atlantis and proud member of the Justice League! Drawing from my rich experience as Ruler of the Seven Seas, I am here to answer your romantic, professional, and ethical queries. Let us begin!
Dear Aquaman: How come you don’t have any superpowers?—Devin Roberts, Southwest Portland
Okay, not the kind of question I was expecting, but sure. I actually have a bunch of powers, for your information, which include being able to breathe underwater, swim REALLY good, and telepathically command sea life to obey my every whim! I’m also a very good advice columnist, so….
Dear Aquaman: Do you have gills? Are you a weird merman? Are you half fish?—Sarah DeWitt, Gresham
Obviously I do not have gills, Sarah. Obviously I have legs. Obviously I am neither a “weird merman” nor “half fish.” Again, if you have questions about your job or your love life, then I, Aquaman, will be happy to assist you.