Finally! Someone's invented a "proud parent machine"! Credit: Twitter Screen Shot
Finally! Someones invented a proud parent machine!
Finally! Someone’s invented a “proud parent machine”! Twitter Screen Shot

Friends, that week was a true junk-buster! So in the immortal words of philosopher Taylor Swift, it’s time to “shake it off” and get in a weekend mood with these hilarious internet cheer-ups from your pals at the Mercury Cheer Up Club. YOU. ARE. WELCOME.

Today in “Death demands a song” news:

Today in “This Jeff Wright guy is so funny, here’s another” news:

Today in “DO NOT GET DAD STARTED” news:

Today in “Not my first pick for a fire fighter” news:

Today in “I’d pay 50 cents” news:

Today in “Pass the loofah” news:

Today in “Rodney Dangerfield across the universe” news:

And finally, today in “Man, this commute to work gets tougher every day” news:

If you like this and our other A++++++ content, please consider donating to the Mercury to keep us around!

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)