The trouble with learning how to do stuff is that it takes too damn long! Luckily there’s Max who used his Vine account to make the most encompassing compilation on how-to-do stuff in the history of humankind—and each how-to is only six seconds or less! Oh, and did I mention some are disgustingly hilarious and NSFW? I knew I forgot something.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)