Last week, police finally arrested the trio suspected of being the gun-toting, Halloween-mask-wearing bank robbers who had been terrorizing Portland’s US Banks for two months. The trio’s genius plan—which involved purchasing cars on Craigslist using marked bills and a work e-mail address—was apparently not enough to outwit Portland’s finest.
But it gets better! All three of the accused robbers maintained an online presence (!), and two of them ran a couple’s blog on sustainable living (!!) where you can buy t-shirts and homemade soap (!!!).
Some highlights:
Eric works at Intel and really likes going to Starbucks and Bagby Hot Springs. In case you’re interested in dating him, he’s been kind enough to provide a list of requirements.
Pam, meanwhile, uses her blog to offer great tips for saving money: use grocery bags as trash can liners (“Did you know most grocery stores charge you 3 cents to have each one of those plastic bags?”), sew your own towels and “make walking a fun pastime”—it’s free!
She’s also a proponent of licensed child-rearing (only adults with bachelor’s degrees, CPR-training and proof of VD-free peens/va-heens need apply), and I think she may know Sloth.
Stan likes juggling, philosophy and Wall-E, but he doesn’t like Christians or television. And while he did keep a (yawn) virtual diary for a couple of years, Stan didn’t really hit his stride until he and Pam joined forces in Lents to blog about indoor vegetable gardens, chicken coops and raising tilapia.
If only we’d known these lovable eco-bloggers were using their donations to buy guns and Scream masks… Allegedly, of course.
Wow, I use old grocery bags as trash can liners, too!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pam and Stan seem to have really similar mouths/noses.
I also do that ROM! Is… is it a life of crime for us?
Oh Eric. Nice to see what you meant by being in “career mode.” As for one of your final requirements: don’t worry, there are no fat chicks where you’re headed.
It would have been really nice to see a final blog post from them about bank robbing, written in a similar fashion as their beet pickling photo essays.
Good. Lord.
What a neat threesome! Eric will finally distance himself from those delusional, water-retaining large women. Pammy and Stan can continue blogging as they learn to fasion a sustainable set of jail cells. Reuseable toilet water, ad hoc board games using nothing but a single button or dried scab, full submission to forced sexual contact so as not to damage prison clothing.
Good luck, y’all!
They look so sad! It’s kind of killing my buzz. Let this be a lesson to those who say that tilapia is not a threat to the youth of America…
Wow I hope Eric gets life for referring to single mom’s as “fixer uppers.”
I am only sad that my gainful employment will now have to pay to house his stupid ass in prison.
What were their Merc handles?
bruce123456 + 1
I look forward to Pam’s tips on sustainable bank robbery. “Bullets can be dug out of ceilings and reused!”