Hello, my doomed darlings; it's your old Uncle Ghoulie again. Come sit in my LURID lap so I can offer some suggestions for those who are ready to party... until they PERISH! That's right, just pick your poison, pretties... Will it be the deadly demon of dance? The atrocities of art? The roach-riddled rot of rock? Whatever direction you choose, tell your MUMMY you'll be coming home late...or NOT AT ALL! Because you're about to enter the...


HALLOWEEN MASQUERADE PARTY--Put on your best Siegfried & Roy or Sexy Pippi Longstocking costumes and get down to Ohm for their annual Halloween night bash. The psychedelic metal of Floater headlines, backed up by Seattle's Enkrya. Dancin' and romancin' follows, courtesy of Austin Bradley and Protocol. WSH Ohm, 31 NW 1st, Fri, 9 pm, $10-$12

FREAKY TAILS--Get the holiday party started early at Holocene with this pre-Halloween hiphop humdinger. Joining the turntable stylings of DJs Wicked and Evil One (appearing as Identical Strangers) will be DJ Mestizo and DJ Wheels, who promise a sexy, sweaty night for fans of the hiphop. WSH Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, Thurs, 9 pm, $5 w/costume, $7 w/o!

GHETTO BLASTER HALLOWEEN PARTY--Since Halloween falls on a Friday, it's up to Friday night stalwart Ghetto Blaster to host one hell-raising party. Drop that ass to the hiphop beats of Seattle's DJ Scene, 95.5's Mighty Juggernaut, special surprise guests, and prizes. Wear a sexy costume (something you don't mind taking off!). WSH Icon, 125 NW 6th, Fri, 10 pm, $5

BOLLYWOOD HORROR--Is J.LO so last year? Are slutty Disney characters not your style? Poke-a-Hontas not your speed? Have you considered looking overseas for new costume ideas? How 'bout India, home of Bollywood, the world's largest, most colorful and garish mecca of film production. Tonight: a spicy, Indian-flavored costume and DJ party. Infectiously energetic DJ Anshul, a New Delhi native, joins DJ Incredible Kid and DJ Anjali. PB Fez Ballroom, 316 SW 11th Ave, Fri, 9 pm, $10 w/costume, $15 w/o

FAIRCHILD MASQUERADE--With its cavernous and murky front room, Holocene already has a delightfully eerie ambiance. Layer on transcendental house music from renowned San Francisco DJ Leonard Ocampo and prepare to be transported this Halloween to a different realm. PB Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, Fri, 9 pm, $6


DAY OF THE DEAD ART--Add skeletons to your checklist of last Thursday "must-hit openings," and check out these altars constructed by regional artists. Inspired by the Latin D,a De Los Muertos tradition, the works are humorous, satirical, and diverse. MS Alberta Arts Pavilion, 2315 NE Alberta, Thurs (thru Sat, Nov. 22), 5 pm, free

CABARET BORIS & NATASHA--Enjoy a spooky, multimedia cabaret performance with free candy (hey!), and Mexican bingo. Dance, film, theatre, sculpture, and music all combine to form the freaky festivity, so with just one stop your arty-farty urges will all be placated. MS Performance Works NW, 4625 SE 67th, Fri & Sat, 8 pm, $8-12 sliding

SYMPHONY & ALFRED HITCHCOCK--Snuggle into the plush seats of the Schnitz and watch clips of some of Hitchcock's brilliant films, like Dial M For Murder and To Catch A Thief, while the Oregon Symphony accompanies with live scoring. MS Schnitzer Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Sat, 8 pm, Sun, 3 & 7 pm, & Mon, 8 pm, $25-68

INDEPENDENT EXPOSURE "HALLOWEIRD EDITION"--This monthly night of international short films is busting out 17 films that have been curated on the basis of their goriness, bizarreness, and dementedness. Torture? Devils? Vampires? Bring it! MS Newspace, 1632 SE 10th, Thurs, 8 pm, $5

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD--Hold on to your heads, because this is a theatrical rendition of the famous zombie rompÉ for kids! So, if your rugrats can take the sight of grown-ups eating each other (and not like that time they forgot to knock), then your spawn is cool, and you should treat them to this. MS NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett, Thurs, 7 pm, $8 sugg don

LANGUAGE OF THE CUNT--Halloween needs to be brought back into focus: evil! Jean-Louis Costes keeps it real as only a French Absurdist can. Watch him fuck someone in the face, catch the "post-porno" dance of Prairiepusher, DJ Wet Dream, and fetish performances. MS I.C.M., 1909 NE MLK, Fri, 8 pm, $5-15 sliding


DAY OF THE DEAD--Portland natives Dead Moon bring their lo-fi punk back for their annual Halloween Party. See them, plus The Nightmares and The Neins before you head to the all-night party. Hopefully you know where it is. KS Ash Street, 225 SW Ash, Fri, 9 pm, $8

COSTUME BASH IN THE 'COUVE--Do you live in the 'Couve, do you love someone who lives in the 'Couve, or do you just plain love the 'Couve? Head to the Cascade Bar & Grill for a costume party, featuring a best & worst costume contest, and dance contest with prizes, plus the music of Stu Kinzel & LynnAnn Hyde, the Strange Tones, and blues artists the Bad Samaritans. KS Cascade Bar & Grill, 15000 E Mill Plain Blvd., Fri, 9 pm, $6

HIGHWAY TO HELLOWEEN--There are 12 bands--all of them hard rock and all of them covering AC/DC. Try not to choke on your own vomit. MS Twilight, 1420 SE Powell, 9: 30 pm, free

KUFO PARANORMAL BALL--We're not recommending this event because it's put on by KUFO, a radio station whose most endearing quality is limited to playing three Tool songs in a row. See Powerman 5000, Sloth, and Fingertight for 10 bucks. KS Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside, Fri, 8 pm, $10

HALLOWEEN METAL BASH--Oooow! What's Halloween without a little death metal? Shit! That's what! Plus, the Klingon band Stovokor is headlining, so you could pull off a Star Trek costume if you're still fishing for ideas. Last Empire and local badasses who hardly ever play out, Engorged, will also be playing, along with the brand new Carnifex. MS Nocturnal, 1800 E Burnside, Fri, 8:30 pm, $6, All Ages


HAUNTED HALLOWEEN HOEDOWN--Those stodgy old museum curators have actually cooked up a pretty fun-sounding Halloween party; a country western-themed hoedown with music from Retta and the Smart Fellas, and Those Darn Accordions. There will also be the obligatory costume contest, a magician, and the icing on the cake: a Haunted Cocktail Lounge/movie room showing classic horror films like The Creature From the Black Lagoon. Booze + B movies = FUN! JWS Portland Art Museum's Commandery Room, 1219 SW Park, Friday, 8 pm, $10

IN OTHER WORDS 10-YEAR ANNIVERSARY--In Other Words bookstore is one of Portland's hippest, most progressive institutions, and this little anniversary soiree don't sound half bad neither. It features music from Sarah Dougher, Myshkin, and DJ Zanne; readings from the excellent poet Judith Barrington; a performance from slam poet Marie Fleischmann, a costume ball, and a buttload of refreshments! JWS EcoTrust Building, 721 NW 9th, Thurs, 7 pm, $5-$10 don

"GHOUL SCHOOL" AND RADIO THEATER--Start your Halloween evening's festivities off by tuning into the "scare" waves. McMenamins presents Sam Mowry in the renovated Kennedy gym performing original, spooky stories. Plus! Beer! JWS The Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd, Fri, 7 & 8:30 pm, free (except for the beer; that'll cost ya, drunko)

CRYSTAL'S GAY & LESBIAN HALLOWEEN DANCE--If you are gay, queer, or homosexual, or if you enjoy spending time with any of the aforementioned, and... AND you are a fan of Halloween, then this event is for you! Door prizes, a costume contest, and swingin' tunes from all different decades to get you through the night. JWS Portland Metro Club, 618 SE Alder, Fri, 9 pm, $7

ROCKIN' AT THE BACKSPACE--Portland's newest art gallery/concert space/computer gaming center, the Backspace, will tear Halloween a new arsehole with music from the Wanteds and Brokaw, as well as a Punk-Goth fashion show, FREE GAMING (!!!), piercings, and other "grueling displays of vital self-expression." Jeepers creepers! JWS Backspace, 115 NW 5th, Fri, 9 pm, $5-7

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA--Revisit this timeless classic, which has been keeping people in pancake makeup and leather for years. Get down with the dance moves, aided by the Clinton St. Cabaret, who performs the live action component of this strangely ritualistic cult sensation. Plus an extended lip synch and dance routine pre-show and costume contest! MS Clinton St Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, Fri & Sat, 10 pm, $6, All Ages