The press release for SportFight humbly proclaims itself as “the ultimate evolution of one-on-one combat.” Plus, if the “mixed martial arts” ass-kickins’ ain’t enough for you, the event also includes a “barbecue tailgate-style party,” a performance by “world-renowned band” Second Coming, and admission to a post-fight party with both fighters and the band. Matt Lindland–who is promoting this SportFight and has competed in the Ultimate Fighting Championship ever since winning the silver medal for wrestling at the 2000 Sydney Olympics–was kind enough to answer my questions and give me some fighting advice.

What are mixed martial arts?

ML: It started out as NHB–No Holds Barred–which is a pretty dangerous type of fighting. It’s evolved into a legitimate sport that still has the aspects of a fight and the entertainment of a fight, but we’ve put in some of the safety valves that keep the fighters from becoming injured.

But people still get hurt, though … right?

ML: Of course. You’re fighting. There’s inherent risks in doing any sport. The rules that we put in place are to keep guys as safe as we can, keep injuries to a minimum and the severity of injuries down.

So what’s the difference between this and pro wrestling?

ML: This is two athletes competing in a sport. Professional wrestling is theatrical. It has nothing to do with a sport. This is actual combat–two guys, going into a ring to fight, and seeing who comes out the winner.

I only weigh like 130 pounds, and I’m pretty weak. What tactics would you recommend if I were to get in a bar brawl?

ML: I’d look for a friend. Yeah–find a buddy, quick.

Alright. But let’s say I don’t have any friends around and I, uh, sort of… have to fight. Should I fight dirty?

ML: Oh, you gotta fight dirty! Yeah! That’s the difference between this [ultimate fighting] and a street fight. [Ultimate fighting] is about honor and tradition but if you’re gonna fight in the street, you gotta fight dirty.

Right on! So what’re the best targets to go for to cause the most damage in the least amount of time?

ML: Probably all the areas that are illegal in sport fighting–the groin, the eyes. Any orifice.

Okay, good. My guess was the eyes. Or the balls.

ML: Yeah.

SportFight is Saturday, August 23, 5:30 pm, at Third and Miller in Gresham. Tickets are $20-40 from TicketsWest (224-TIXX) and select Safeway Stores. ERIK HENRIKSEN