Okay! Welcome back to Discomfort Zone, the weekly blog fiasco where we send a staffer to an event that is outside of their comfort area. Up this week is intern Suzette Smith who (special treat!) is heading to her hometown, Detroit, on Monday. One of the choices for this week’s event, then, is in Detroit. Voting ends at 2pm tomorrow!
First: A little bit about Suzette. She is a NE Portland social worker and indie comics artist who was raised in a rather religious “grab-bag Christian” home. As mentioned, she is from Detroit so she is hard to rattle.
Christian Art Experience: Every Sunday, all-caps Christian art group AGENTS OF FUTURE “facilitates an attempt to connect with the supernatural side of things (through that guy, Jesus)” at The Bridge in NE Portland. They encourage “visceral means” including “performance art, punk rock, puppetry or playdoh.”
Vancouver Bikini Bike Wash: Look at this flyer! Suzette must ride her bike to this bikini (motor)bike wash and attempt to get her frame a sexy scrub down from the ladies.
Giant Poetry Slam: At least 24 performers are taking the stage at Backspace for an epic poetry slam. This thing could last hours. Hours and hours of poetry slamming. Suzette hates sincerity so this will be tough to stomach.
Minnesota Twins vs. Detroit Tigers at Comerica Park: This is occurring in Detroit and I think it sounds okay, but as Suzette explains: “I hate sports and the Tigers always lose. Also I went on a date once with this hotdog salesman who sings fake opera in the stands and I feel like he might still be working there. (shudder)”
Help Graham Move in with His Girlfriend: You may know Graham from his 3,581 comments on our site. After all these years, this weekend Graham is moving in with his girlfriend (a real life girlfriend not from the internet, you guys). What could be more uncomfortable than sharing in their incipient domestic spats as they bicker over sofa placement?
Uber lame options…tempted to vote for Graham’s move just to be nice…I don’t think there’s much discomfort at all to be found here…
Going to see a MLB game is awkward? Drinking beer at a park in the summer? Really?
I hope you have a lot of furniture, Graham.
I don’t know about making Suzette help him move (he’s probably hidden his porn already, so the discomfort aspect may not be high enough), but can’t we organize a parade and deliver Graham to his girlfriend’s place in style?
http://grahamforcoroner.com/wp-content/upl…
Or one like this:
http://www.streetsblog.org/wp-content/uplo…
At least his is better than “Help Graham Move His Bowels,” which is his better known twitter campaign.
(his = this)
None of these sound uncomfortable in the least.
She’s gonna help Graham move, and it’s gonna be uncomfortable, but only when it gets to the part where she writes the article about how, it turns out – almost cliche, really – the Graham she meets this weekend is nothing at all like the Graham on Blogtown; and that the persona that claws at Sarah Mirk’s ankles like a rabid pug – the sneering, dismissive GRAHAM! Blogtown Conqueror! is almost wholly fabricated for the sake of the internet.
Graham will turn out to be, in fact, just a dude with a mustache and a girlfriend who has old furniture made out of pressboard and a couple interesting books. He will be a pleasant guy with a nice bike and he will be generous with the beer in his fridge and when opinions start to differ he will shrug and smile and shift topics without a hint of acrimony.
And that will be weird, slightly disillusioning and uncomfortable for some, I’m sure.
Yeah, Detroit still exists and Graham has a girlfriend. You guys are SUCKERS!!!
@bobby: Don’t give away the secret; you’ll ruin everything.
@everyone else: Vote fo the bikewash.
Definitely help Graham move.
Helping people move is not fun, and I suspect Suzette has many friends who also will also want help moving over the next few years. Thank god all my friends have underwater mortgages and will not move again for several decades.
Plus, I’m curious about real-life Graham v. online Graham. Full report, please, since I’m too lazy to ever come to a social event to find out for myself.
What Bobby said.
Precious Roy for COTW!
Next week can you have an intern clean my apartment or drive Todd to the airport or cat-sit for Joneser?
I’m moving in a month and will gladly volunteer to be that week’s Discomfort Zone! Can you carry a piano?
I need someone to braid my hair and sing me songs while I watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians.
Just FYI.
Yeah, this is really discomfort zone for Graham.
That said, I have a portion of my body that I still can’t seem to reach for monthly cleaning, even with my rickety system of rags, sticks and mirrors, so… little help, Suzette?
Make her go somewhere where there is lots of free pie and make her ask for pie and eat the pie.
This is the best one ever. I think my neighbors may be annoyed by the increasing sound of “maniacal cackle” that just let loose from my mouth.
Graham. I voted Graham!
Whatever guys. I TRIED to help you put me in an uncomfortable situation. I told Smirk about my religious upbringing. I TOLD her about the crazy three-piece suit salesman/fake opera singing hotdog vendor. You guys want me to hang out with Graham who is funny. OH GOD. I don’t know if I want to hang out with someone funny! Boo Hoo.
I don’t care as long as we get to seen Suzette’s wonderful drawings.
“Graham who is funny”? I thought we were talking about Blogtown commenter Graham, Suzette. SHENANIGANS!
@graham You’re winning. Amazing.
I’m pretty sure the Opera Singin’ Hot Dog guy is still working the park. I’d be more uncomfortable about getting on the wrong end of a shiv a couple of blocks away on Brush St.
Graham,
Please dress in a three piece suit, sing opera and throw hot dogs at Suzette while she helps you move.
If that has no impact, make her move and organize your thong drawer.
@Hoosier Shiv me twice, shame on me.
@TSW you might be overestimating my docility.
Suzette,
You misunderstood-the suggestion was meant as a reward for your brave participation. In fact, Graham’s thong wrangling is a pleasurable Blogtown rite of passage. You will thank me later, I swear.
Wait, are people somehow not made super uncomfortable by the jesus freaks at the Bridge? I mean every time I went by there when it was on NE 7th and Bindlestiff Pete was picking flowers for Plucky Joe the Bandit and his girlfriend before going on an afternoon tree climbing I wanted to go on a damn rampage.