It's that time of the year when all of your holiday obligations might be catching up to you—parties, presents, navigating family dynamics—and if you're like, "I don't wanna Do This, Do That," we understand. But then again, you did click the link to read this article, so you have to be at least a little intrigued by what's happening this week, right?

Below you'll find festive cocktails, holiday horror films, and a few events that have virtually nothing to do with Christmas, like a pop-punk show with puppet accompaniment. Consider this your permission slip to forget about that party you really don't want to go to—these alternate options are a gift to yourself. 

Monday, December 8

Black Christmas

Bob Clark's filmography might be accurately described as unhinged, or, at the very least, eclectic. The lo-fi zombie schlocker Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things was one of his first features. He'd later direct Porky's, A Christmas Story, and, for reasons he’ll have to explain to God at the gates, Baby Geniuses. Clark’s most confusing entry is Black Christmas (1974), because it’s a legitimately terrifying film by the Baby Geniuses guy. Sorority girls are picked off one by one against a backdrop of twinkle lights. Black Christmas even popularized a persistent horror trope—a homicidal maniac's phone calls come from iiiiinside the hoooouse. (Cinemagic, 2021 SE Hawthorne, 9:20 pm, $7-$9, more info, R) LINDSAY COSTELLO

Sleigh Love

Sleigh the day with a menu of delightfully tacky holiday-inspired drinks and other nostalgic treats at the cocktail bar and restaurant Hey Love. The vibe is described as "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation but more, and located in a cocktail-soaked indoor jungle." Offerings include "Noggy by Nature" (an eggnog slushie spiked with rye whiskey, rum, cognac, and sherry) and "Toboggan Time" (Hey Love's signature frozen spin on Irish coffee, made with a Rumplemintz float, whipped cream, and candy cane sprinkles). DJs will add to the chaotic merriment starting at 9 pm on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. (Hey Love, 920 E Burnside, 4-11 pm daily through Dec 30, 9:20 pm, more info, 21+) JULIANNE BELL

The Mountain Goats

Anyone who went to the Claremont Colleges (myself included) knows who the Mountain Goats are, since the band's originator, John Darnielle, grew up there and attended one of the schools. To this day, their 2005 folk-rock anthem "This Year" sends my school's cross-country team into a jumping, shout-singing frenzy. But at this point, a lot of other people know who they are, too—the band has garnered an international fanbase with the release of over 20 albums in the last 30 years; each full of earnest vocals, rollicking guitars, and energetic horns. What started as Darnielle's solo project (despite the plural "goats") has expanded into a band with a rotating cast of contributors who put on explosive live shows. Darnielle writes emotionally evocative lyrics, sometimes about his own life, sometimes about historical tales, and, in the case of their forthcoming release, sometimes about an imagined small crew shipwrecked on a deserted island. Through This Fire Across From Peter Balkan comes out on November 7, with the band playing two nights in Portland about a month after its release. (Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark, Dec 8-9, 8 pm, SOLD OUT, more info, all ages) SHANNON LUBETICH

Tuesday, December 9

Kill Bill: The Whole Bloody Affair

Split into two feature films in a cash grab by executive producer and garbage human Harvey Weinstein, the four-plus-hour, ten-chapter Kill Bill has never been screened in its entirety as writer/director Quentin Tarantino intended. That is, until now. The epic, which was first shown at Cannes in 2006, finally gets a proper theatrical release this December, restoring the Bride’s tale of revenge to a single uncut film. Grab your popcorn and get seated for an unseen anime sequence, uncut scenes, and even more gore. (Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy, daily through Dec 18, $27, more info, R) BRI BREY

Also worth it:

The Thing, Clinton Street Theater, more info

Not unlike the far reaches of space, no one can hear you scream at the South Pole, and that level of isolation and claustrophobia is central to The Thing’s tension. Predictably, Ennio Morricone’s score owns, amplifying the film’s dread with a mix of synthy darkness and nerve-plucking orchestral compositions.

Wednesday, December 10

Topic Thunder

If you’re a fan of wild, hilarious takes on national/local news, AND enjoy a lineup of Portland’s best comedians, you’ll love the new, monthly stand-up show, Topic Thunder. Hosted by former Portland Funniest winners (and Mercury Geniuses of Comedy) Adam Pasi and Nariko Ott, Topic Thunder challenges their comedic guests to riff on the latest news stories—so you know you’ll be getting some choice, brand-spanking new material every time. This month’s stellar lineup of laff-makers includes the fabulous Arlo Weierhauser, Virginia Jones, Julian Grey, and a non-topical headlining set from the great Derek Sheen! (We love this show, and want you to see it—so get $5 off your ticket price by including the special code “MERCURY” at checkout!) (Siren Theater, 3913 N Mississippi, 7:30 pm, $20, more info, all ages) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Pop + Puppetry

Never ones to be upstaged (their last show featured a glowy, articulated octopus roaming the crowd), event organizers Bog Monster will hit up Holocene with another edition of Pop + Puppetry. The concert series is, at least partially, exactly what it sounds like—a showcase of local bands and puppeteers. But it's also more than that, and by "more than that" I mean you'll see three wildly original puppet shows synced to the lineup's music. When will you have this chance again?? Hopefully at next year's Pop + Puppetry, but... you should catch this one, right? Queer and sincere quartet New Here open things up for kitschy pop-punkers Creature Party and spacy wife-and-husband duo Dreckig. (Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison, 8 pm, $18.20-$21.66, more info, 21+) LC

Also worth it:

Omiyage Holiday Shop, Japanese American Museum of Oregon, more info

This annual pop-up holiday shop offers gifts created by local artisans, from origami objects to curated trinkets and clothing. You'll feel good about your purchases—proceeds benefit JAMO and support its mission to preserve and celebrate the cultural history of Japanese Americans in the Pacific Northwest.

Thursday, December 11

Moment 015: Hesaitix, MSHR, Dave Quam

It's difficult to overstate the impact of Moment's experimental music curation—the decentralized music series doesn't miss, having organized sets by Purelink, Golden Retriever, and Suzanne Kraft just in the past year (to name a few). They're heightening our expectations for adventurous, abstract sounds in the city and keeping it very chill in the process, filling interesting and somewhat unexpected venues like Leach Botanical Garden and Leaven Community Center. This week, they'll hit Process with acid-washed electronic composer Hesaitix (fka M.E.S.H.), who'll return to Portland for the first time in a decade with new material. Local art collective MSHR will do some advanced tinkering with a "hybrid hardware/software live set in quadraphonic," and DJ Dave Quam will keep people guessing. (Process PDX, 5040 SE Milwaukie, 7 pm, $16.60-$25.15, more info, 21+) LC

Also worth it:

Eyes Wide Shut, Academy Theater, more info

Forget your plans, throw on your sheerest tank top, and check out this sex cult instead. Because it's time to get aimlessly horny, people!! Eyes Wide Shut may elicit some other emotions, too, like rage at the disaffected entitlement of men and gratitude that Nicole got that divorce.

Wet Leg, Crystal Ballroom, more info

Isle of Wight's cheekiest indie rockers pop across the pond; Portland pop-rockers the Stupid Girls open the sold out show.

Friday, December 12

Dying Wishmas

Have you been a good slam dancer this year? Santa has heard our pleas and is rewarding us with an impossibly heavy, nine-band showcase featuring both touring and local crushers, largely fronted by femmes and/or queers—Santa’s (and Jesus’) favorite! Headliners Dying Wish are touring behind their massive new album Flesh Stays Together, and the Big Boy homos come strapped with three EPs, including their ripper new Love Songs EP. Gouge Away (now partly Portland-based) released one of 2024’s best albums with Deep Sage, and our neighbors to the south, Eugene’s Boltcutter, absolutely have one of the best albums of 2025 with Still Broke. Static Dress, Gridiron, Orthodox, Misery Whip, and End of Dayz pull up to round out a bill that might just entice Mrs. Clause out of pit retirement. (Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th, 4:15 pm, $50-$62.50, more info, all ages) NOLAN PARKER

Festivale Cool Nutz

Local hip-hop legend Cool Nutz always finds ways to give back to his community, and the second year of Festivale Cool Nutz is just that—a gift. Curated every year by the icon himself, the two night line-up at Alberta Street Pub boasts a baller bill of local talent. Cool Nutz opens the fest on Friday, headlining a bill of Mikey Vegaz, Maniac Lok, Northside Tego, and DJ Fatboy on the 1s and 2s. Saturday night sees Vary, DBOI LTD, King Wess, and Bobby Barrz hit the stage, with DJ Danny Merkury holding it all together. Like music columnist Jenni Moore wrote about the first year, “you had me at Festivale Cool Nutz.” (Alberta Street Pub, 1036 NE Alberta, Dec 12-13, 10 pm, more info, 21+) SUZETTE SMITH

The Siren’s Best Christmas Ever!

While the holidays are well known for putting people in a fucking shitty mood—the Siren Theater’s annual “Best Christmas Ever!” sketch comedy show is always a welcome relief. Sketch comedy masters Shelley McLendon, Erin Jean O’Regan, Nicholas Kessler, Greg Gasperin, Ted Douglass, Lori Ferraro, and Tony Marcellino will be your guides for a gut-bustin’ night of holiday fun, comedy, dancing, mostly on-key singing, and more. If you loved those old Donnie & Marie Christmas specials from TV past, the Siren’s version is tailor-made for YOU. (Siren Theater, 3913 N Mississippi, Dec 12-13, 7:30 pm, $22-$28, more info, all ages—but expect some occasional naughty stuff) WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY

Also worth it:

Great Figgy Pudding Caroling Competition, Pioneer Square, more info

It’s exactly what it sounds like: Groups dress up in their finest Victorian garb, and walk around singing boisterous holiday carols in a bloody, knock-down drag-out battle to the death, absolutely brimming with delicious cringe. Do not miss!

Everest, Portland Opera, more info

Staged at their new World Trade Center Theatre, Portland Opera presents a "graphic novel opera" about a deadly mountaineering trek with chilly interactive elements (you'll want to bring a jacket). Read our full preview.

Saturday, December 13

ScanFair

The one good thing about winter in the Pacific Northwest: it's prime hygge season. Over 100 vendors will hawk goods, which you can peruse while enjoying traditional Scandinavian food and drink like æbleskiver (Danish pancakes), kanelbullar (cinnamon buns), and wienerbrod (which is actually a laminated pastry and involves no sausage). Live entertainment includes folk music, a Lucia Court procession, and meatball and pickled herring eating contests. You can even go on a scavenger hunt to find all the hidden gnomes or get your picture taken with Joulupukki (the Finnish Santa Claus) and his reindeer Oskar. (Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK, 10 am-4 pm Dec 13-14, $14.64, more info, all ages) SL

Oregon Humanities Release party

Swing on through the Lloyd Center Mall food court and pick up the Winter 2025 issue of Oregon Humanities—a nonprofit arts and culture magazine that's actually FREE to any Oregon resident. And the articles are good too! The new issue carries a theme of "Consume," building around stories that touch on how we talk about invasive plants (should that change?), "how the highway system devours and inspires," and even "the art of the care package." Coffee and snacks will allegedly be present, along with a few contributors. This release doubles as an adult clothing drive for Blanchet House. Check the list of things they need! (Lloyd Center Mall food court, 2201 Lloyd Center, 10 am-noon, FREE, more info, all ages) SS

Also worth it:

Merry Christmas, Mr. Lawrence, Academy Theater, more info

Ryuichi Sakamoto and David Bowie star in the most homoerotic film set in a World War II-era Japanese prison camp, which grapples with the constraints of masculinity and nationalism in the same caught breath.

34th Annual Tuba Christmas Concert, Pioneer Courthouse Square, more info

Have you ever wondered what hundreds of tubas played in unison sounds like? Neither have we. But ready or not, Portland's living room will soon be filled with the big brass sounds of 200 tubas during this free, annual holiday tradition you didn't know you needed.

Sunday, December 14

Crafty Wonderland Holiday Art and Craft Market

Find one-of-a-kind gifts for everyone on your list at Crafty Wonderland, one of Portland’s OG indie markets. This holiday shopping extravaganza features over 275 artists, designers, and crafters selling wares from witchy cross-stitch to custom wooden spoons. Grab tickets for Friday's preview night to get first dibs on the goods and a free drink at the bar, or save money on Saturday and Sunday timed-entry tickets (they're just $4, and you can stay as long as you like). (Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE MLK, 10 am-5 pm, $4-$25, more info, all ages) SL

Holiday High Tea

"$65 for tea?" your friends may scream—whether they're in favor or against will vary, but Heathman Hotel doesn't offer their high tea all the dang time. The special holiday season sessions involve artfully created goodies like "Christmas Tree Hazelnut Mousse" and macarons with "eggnog chantilly," among other delights, served up on the gleaming, multi-tiered silver trays you demand (for $65 anyway). Pro tip: I took my mother to high tea, and it was a huge win. Plus, I could count on her to behave herself, which is not something I can really say about my friends. (Heathman Hotel, 712 SW Salmon, Fri-Sun, through Dec 28, settings at 11 am, 1 pm, and 3 pm, $65 per person, $25 for children 12 and under, reservations recommended, more info) SS

Also worth it:

Portland Art Book Fair, North Park Blocks, more info

One of the coolest places to be on December 14 is undoubtedly the Art Book Fair, where Landdd, Chess Club, and Stelo Arts will bring together dozens of local book hawkers and publishers.

Weathering the Storm, The Off Beat, more info

Hosted at new all-ages venue the Off Beat, this fundraiser show features performances by youth artists like Alex Adore and Ad Nauseum, plus opportunities to chat with local organizations like Friends of Noise and School of Rock.

Looking for even more events happening this week? Head on over to EverOut!