In the following video, one Russian hits another Russian over the head with a shovel—repeatedly. (Though the second Russian seems to barely notice.)
VLADAMIR: (To friend sitting next to him) So anyway, I says to Boris, I says…
[FYODOR WALKS IN, HITS VLADAMIR ON HEAD WITH SHOVEL.]
VLADAMIR: Ow. Hey Fyodor, what’s up with that? Why you want to hit me on the…
[FYODOR HITS VLADAMIR ON HEAD WITH SHOVEL.]
VLADAMIR: Ow. Seriously Fyodor, you could possibly hurt a person like that. Is there some sort of prob…
[FYODOR HITS VLADAMIR WITH SHOVEL, THIS TIME ON THE KNEE.]
VLADAMIR: Ow. Is this because I ate the last pierogi? Tell you what, I give you some nice black market jeans I pick up yesterday. Glooooria Vanderbilt! Huh? What you have to say about…
[FYODOR HITS VLADAMIR ON THE BACK WITH A SHOVEL]
VLADAMIR: Ow. HA! This time you miss, comrade. My head sits on top of my neck, and…
[FYODOR HITS VLADAMIR ON THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL]
VLADAMIR: Ow.
[VANYA ENTERS. STOPS FYODOR FROM HITTING VLADMIR ON THE HEAD WITH A SHOVEL.]
VANYA: Fyodor! Please! You must stop hitting Vladamir on the head with the shovel. I… I… love him. Besides, the front of your shirt is covered with drool.
[LONG PAUSE. FYODOR SITS, ADJUSTS HIS GLASSES. LONG PAUSE.]
FYODOR: This is true? My shirt—it is covered with drool?
[LONG PAUSE.]
VLADAMIR: … yes.
[LONG PAUSE.]
FYODOR: Life… is pain.
Clearly he’s mad because shovel head made him spill his vodka all over his shirt.
That just friendly greeting in Russia, wussy Americanskis.
In Soviet Russia, the shovel digs YOU
I had no idea that WSH couild speak Russian. Apparently he is a man of many talents. HLV,MF