Some days I despise you, internet—but on days like today? With videos like the one below? Today I feel like you’re a magical wizard ejaculating rainbows into my mouth. Please join me in enjoying this overdub of the ShamWow infomercial—now with a hilarious, tear-inducing Jerry Lewis voice. GOOD STUFF!!
Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.) More by Wm. Steven Humphrey

Might I suggest that someone please make some biscuit related posts?
I had no idea the Shamwow was made by Nazis. Huh.
Late card!