To be perfectly frank, I had FUCKING HAD IT with this day. That’s why, instead of waiting until 5 pm, I’m going to use the Mercury Time Machine (which also doubles as a Fleshlight) to transport myself 45 minutes into the future where a lovely bottle of malt liquor awaits. Unfortunately, in the future, there are also sassy robots and rampaging bulls.

Sigh. I’ve so fucking had it with this day.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

5 replies on “The Future Has Robots, Malt Liquor, and Rampaging Bulls”

  1. Hey everyone, WSH had a really bad day posting crap on the Internet today. Let’s all feel really bad for him…NOT! Do what the rest of us have to do: bottle your hatred for your co-workers and yourself into a black ball next to your spleen and then drink your liver black

  5. In the future, like soon, there will be no 40’s downtown. This makes me a sad panda.

    I do like that future in the ad where there are no white people.

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