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The Oscar nominations will be announced in a mere nine days, which means I am a mere nine days away from winning my very own bottle of Dan Aykroyd’s Crystal Head Vodka, which Mercury Music Editor and Terrible Bet-Maker Ned Lannamann will be forced to buy me when Skyfall is not nominated for a Best Picture Academy Award.

BUT HERE IS THE THING. The first time I got drunk was with vodka—it was a strange experience, in that Legend was on in the room while we were all drinking, and all I really remember is (A) my friend Dave shouting “SOMEBODY PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON MAVERICK” at the television, and (B) that I might have touched a girl’s boob at some point after the movie ended. Whoo! High school in Salt Lake City! Anyway, this also means that the first time I had a hangover was with vodka, and it was a terrible experience. A few years later, I decided to give vodka another shot; this decision was made at the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas, Nevada, where no one has ever made a good decision ever, and my decision was no exception.

So! Vodka. We are not pals, me and vodka. And yet: I will soon possess 750ml of crystal-filtered vodka hand-crafted by Dan Aykroyd himself, and it will come to me in a skull-shaped bottle that will probably bestow me with mystical powers. I will, of course, be drinking it, probably while repeatedly and loudly reminding Ned about how bad he is at making bets. But how I shall drink the vodka is up for debate, since I am not an vodka expert. So I turn to you, hard-drinking denizens of Blogtown, for your favorite ways to drink vodka: A screwdriver? A martini? That seems appropriate, obviously. Straight? Vodka and Clamato? Ugh, gross, that sounds fucking disgusting, nobody recommend that please. While watching Legend? For all I know, that is the way it should be done.

But please, help me out, drunks. How shall I best enjoy this vodka? Help me ensure that, in a mere nine days’ time, my victory will taste even sweeter than it otherwise would.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

8 replies on “What Delicious Drinks Shall I Drink with the Vodka Ned Is Going to Buy Me?”

  2. Start with:

    Vodka Tonic
    Rocks Glass
    3 oz Vodka
    Top with tonic water (Fever Tree is my favorite).
    Garnish with Lime

    -Alternatively-

    3oz Vodka
    1oz St. Germaine
    1 dash cardamom bitters
    Top with Club Soda

    Next:
    Martini, Kiala’s recipe
    Can’t go wrong here, but I’d advise a stirred martini. Your drink will be on average 30% stronger.

    Drink these until you drop. Be sure to reserve enough vodka for Bloody Mary’s the next day. Use real tomato juice, celery salt, horseradish and Worcester sauce. This will be your hangover cure.

  3. 4 oz vodka
    2 oz Kahlua
    2% milk to taste.

    It’s a Skinny White Russian. Lower calorie, so the only regret is the alcohol intake after. (Plus whatever trouble you get into.) It’s like drinking a candy bar.

  4. It sounds to me that you should reconsider your relationship with vodka – and I’ll be glad to help you out of this burden, seeing as how I respect your reviews and all and that time we met in the bar.
    I think so highly of you I would do this for you pal.

  5. sounds like it’s top-shelf stuff — i wouldn’t sully it with any ingredients at all, save for maybe a few ice cubes.

    apparently though, judging from mr. Aykroyd’s jowls, it pairs quite well with double cheeseburgers and steak fries.

    and, yes, you should also consider watching ‘Legend’ again, both for old times’ sake and for when you’re ready for a good vomit after your 5th glass.

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