BBQ & Booze: The Ed Garren Party

Deep in the heart of Jantzen Beach, and just a stone’s throw away from Target and a somewhat longer stone’s throw from Hooters, is the location of perennial candidate (though he claims he will never run again, unless he’s bankrolled) Ed Garren’s election party held at Boomers Bar-B-Que Joint. And while many of my cohorts are turning up their noses at the cheese and salami platters of other parties, I have to say Garren hit a home run with his choice of gastronomical locale. If you’re going to eat anywhere in the Jantzen Beach area, forgo the fried seafood monstrosities of Newport Bay, and head to Boomers for some of the most flavorful ‘que in the northern most reaches of Portland. Currently I’m scarfing down a plate of Barbecue Sliders (of the pork variety) topped with cole slaw and fried onions, chased shortly thereafter with a delicious Jack & Coke. This, my friends, is “living” on election night, and the rest of you can suck it.

• Three pork sliders—before I ate the shit out of them.

For those unfamiliar few, Ed Garren has been running for Saltzman’s seat on city council—the sexiest of the elections on this year’s ballot due to Saltzman’s wild inability to control the police bureau, Jesse Cornett’s slime-slinging attempts to bring him down, and Mary Volm’s efforts to… maybe recall Sam Adams from within?

• Ed Garren: He’ll Be Back.

Whatever. I’m proud to say I’m giddy with excitement every time Ed Garren walks into an election interview. He’s one of the few candidates that actually says what’s on his mind, and speaks with pure unadulterated passion on homelessness and the mentally ill. (If he could stay a bit more on topic,, I’d be extremely tempted to throw him my vote.)
Currently, Garren and his tight crew of insiders are inhaling barbecue, discussing how the “Metro vote” might go down, and who will ultimately prevail on Dancing with the Stars. (Note: It will almost certainly be that skank from the Pussycat Dolls.)
While Garren has no illusions that Saltzman is gonna walk away with this, everyone knows a diminished version of the man will be retaining the office. “Dan should’ve been the one who filed a complaint about the police bureau’s budget,” Ed said over a plate of sliders. “As it was, Dan hung Rosie out to dry. It’s indicative of the poor leadership going on in the city. Ironically, Sam was the one who grew a backbone, and got tired of Dan needling around [thereby taking back the police bureau]. Sam has the reputation of being someone you don’t want to be on the wrong side of—and if you’re dealing with an organization like the Portland Police Bureau, that’s exactly the type of skill one wants to have.”
Garren will be taking the summer off to help military families in Fort Bragg who are dealing with mental health issues. Come back soon, and run again, Ed! Portland needs your voice. And your choice of barbecue.