There was a debate last night. It was fun. Here’s what happened:
Rick Santorum doesn’t want gays in America to have rights, but he is deeply concerned about gay rights in Iran.
Tim Pawlenty believes that Michele Bachmann is a do-nothing loser. He also thinks Mitt Romney is a pinko slimeball with a huge lawn. Pawlenty believes he is a weird mixture of Jesus Christ and Spider-Man.
Michele Bachmann took a bathroom break during the first commercial and didn’t get back in time. She has about five sentences at her disposal, and when she cycles through all five sentences, she has to go back to the beginning and start over.
Mitt Romney thinks Barack Obama doesn’t know anything about jobs because Barack Obama never had a job. (Racist? Probably!) He flip-flops, but it’s okay when he flip-flops because he’s presidential.
Herman Cain is envious of Michele Bachmann’s five sentences. He can’t even get through one without sounding like a moron.
If you ask a question of Newt Gingrich, that question will automatically be labeled a “gotcha” question. He spent the whole debate sounding pissed-off, but he also said a couple of things that didn’t immediately make liberals want to vomit.
Jon Huntsman, apparently, exists. He believes in civil unions, and he’s pretty sensitive about being called a liberal.
Ron Paul’s supporters believe that if they sit in the audience of televised debates and shout “RON PAAAAAUL” as loud as they possibly can, Ron Paul will automatically be elected president of the United States.
Everyone is scared shitless of Rick Perry.
Romney will be the GOP candidate. He’s the most polished, least wacky, and doesn’t appear to be a gaffe machine like the rest. He is Mormon, but I don’t think that’s much of a liability anymore.
Did they all get out of a teeny-tiny car at the begining of the debate?
Ron Paaaaaaaul!!! Seriously, he puts Obama to shame, the GOP too shame, the phoney tea party to shame, and the whole left-right paradigm to shame. Regardless of what party he is running under.
Democrats believe there’s a difference between their party and the Republicans.
Does Huntsman dream of a world where compassionate conservatives really exist? Does Pawlenty dream of being bitten by a radioactive Jesus? Does Bachmann need some Depends?
BB for COTW. He really made me laugh.