One of the most important aspects of good newspapering is the ability to tell when someone is or is not a fucking liar. I know many of you think that news reporters use “intuition” or perhaps “corroborating stories” to tell if someone is, or is not, a fucking liar. Actually, while those methods had their place in the old-timey days of the late 1900s, the Mercury now uses the most up to date “science of technology” to help us figure out who’s a fucking liar, and who ain’t—and that means we use THE TRUSTER. How does it work? Watch.
It also works on lying employees, lying babysitters, and especially everyone in the Mayor’s office.
Brilliant. The apocalypse surely will come once we all find out just how much everyone else lies. Bring em on!
Does it work on reporters who have wives working for the company who created a report for the mayors office but fail to report any connection while reporting on a story until caught in the act?
Just saying…you know…for journalistic integrity and all.
Let me check… hey! IT WORKED!
From now on, I’ll be talking in hand signals at the office, kay? Just sayin’. Sayin’ with my hands.