When are people going to realize that a) toddlers should always wear a helmet when riding a motorcycle, b) it’s wildly unsafe for toddlers to smoke on a motorcycle (the gas tank could explode) and c) if a toddler is going to smoke, then they should also learn how to blow smoke rings. And curse.

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

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