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For years, there’s been a Red Dawn remake sitting on MGM’s shelves—like The Cabin in the Woods, it’s a movie that was shot forever ago, but has yet to, you know, actually make it into theaters. (A while back, MGM even went in and did some digital airbrushing in an attempt to make the film more attractive to our inevitable conquerors.) The new Red Dawn is currently slated for a November 2012 release, at which point it will change the way you watch the original Red Dawn—one of the most perfect movies ever made—forever.

Because the worst thing about The Thing prequel isn’t that it exists (even though that fact is pretty terrible), it’s that now, whenever I wach John Carpenter’s The Thing, I’ll be thinking of the prequel for at least a few points during the movie, and TOTAL BUZZKILL. Maybe the new Red Dawn will be great (Thor’s in it!), but maybe it won’t be… and then? Everytime you watch the real Red Dawn? TOTAL BUZZKILL.

So get one last screening of the original Red Dawn in before Thor tries to put on Swayze’s blood-spattered boots. And hey, look at that! We have a big-screen Red Dawn showing set up for you right here! With beer! And text commentary! You should come! Get your tickets here.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

9 replies on “Come See the REAL <i>Red Dawn</i> Before the Remake RUINS IT FOREVER”

  2. The only people who find Red Dawn “awesome” are white kids who grew up in the 80’s and are in their early thirties. There is this obsession with crappy eighties pop culture including this movie which was and is terrible. Is this meant to be “Ironic”? If so,lame. If not, just really sad.

  3. Yeah, don’t you hate it how people like things from their childhoods?! And isn’t it weird how it’s only white kids who grew up in the 80’s?! Why can’t those people just like serious things like Avatar and Coldplay.

    Good point, DamosA

  4. I think the ones we should be fighting against (you know, in the remake) are over there on the left.

    Burrito Dawn, amirite?

    Ayeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

  7. It won’t change how I view the original because there is no chance in hell I will watch it.

    I’ve learned to vote with my dollars. And my vote is fuck every fucking thing about that shit.

  9. Gotta throw some token extras in there so the modern, politically correct film becomes appealing to all races…. another perfectly good movie fucking ruined.

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