If you’re looking to get Christmas AF, the shiniest, brightest, most Catholic-ist joint in Portland is the Grotto’s 30th Annual Christmas Festival of Lights. It’s home to Southeast’s finest light display, hottest shopping center for ceramic angels, and exotic petting zoo.
Here’s what’s to expect:
As you enter, don’t be alarmed by the motion-activated plaques along the path reviewing the life and times of JC. They’re nice reminders you’re entering hallowed church grounds. Pro-tip: Watch your language!
Next up: lights! Oh holy lights! So many twinkling bulbs packed into two short walking loops! Pro-tip 2: Pick up 3D glasses at the visitor center and… BOOM! THE LIGHTS ALL LOOK LIKE FREAKING ANGELS! WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.
Follow the path toward the towering rock face to see a life-size nativity scene, and statues of angels blowing trumpets at each other. (Which I guess is what angels do?)
And of course there’s a puppet show! The church employs a puppeteer who, on the night I attended, improvised a one-woman theatrical masterpiece about a lion puppet giving a pig puppet a bath. Pro-tip 3: Hit your vape pen or flask in the parking lot for maximum entertainment value.
