FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25
DANCE—It’s over! And after anxiously wondering whether your ingrate nephews would like their gifts, choking down your mom’s substandard champagne, and the friendless disappointment of grandma’s decision to cook ham, there aren’t many better options than to lose yourself in a boatload of the sweetest music of all time. So: Soul Dance Party! DIRK VANDERHART
w/DJ Rev Shines, Hippie Joe; Goodfoot, 2845 SE Stark, 9 pm, $5
FILM—Today is America’s most cherished holiday—Christmas, when we celebrate the fuck out of capitalism. And what better way to do so than by watching a movie about how irredeemably busted capitalism is? The latest from Anchorman‘s Adam McKay, The Big Short stars Ryan Gosling, Steve Carell, Christian Bale, and Brad Pitt going up against corrupt big banks. God bless us, every one. ERIK HENRIKSEN
Various Theaters, see Film Times for locations and showtimes.
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26
COMEDY—Comedian Matt Braunger often returns to his Portland hometown to feast on holiday food with his family… and wow appreciative audiences with funny-ass stand-up. He’s one of the co-founders of the Bridgetown Comedy Fest, and his sets are goofy and likeable, and they kill! He’ll sleigh you. (Too late for terrible holiday jokes?) COURTNEY FERGUSON
w/Sean Jordan; Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi, 9 pm, $18-20
BLAZERS—Basketball fans, you’re getting a late Christmas present! Santa brought you a Bron-Bron for all you b-ball-loving boys and girls. You just have to attend tonight’s Blazers vs. Cleveland Cavaliers game. I mean, LeBron James may not be the best player in the league right now, but it still means something when you whup his ass. BOBBY ROBERTS
Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $75 & up, all ages
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27
MUSIC—Now that the dishes are clean and the tinsel’s put away, it’s time to get the eff outta the house. Cure your holiday hangover with a terrific local bill including the fractured but cozy rock tunes of Helvetia, and a very special acoustic performance from folk-punk party starters And And And! NED LANNAMANN
w/Neighbor Wave; Rontoms, 600 E Burnside, 9 pm, FREE
HOCKEY—If you haven’t been to a Winterhawks game lately, we humbly suggest you change that. Tickets are cheap, seats are plentiful, and a birdman might just shoot T-shirts at you. Plus hockey’s strangely alluring live, and they fight a lot. DIRK VANDERHART
Moda Center, 1 Center Court, 5 pm, $10-55, all ages