BLAZERS—New year! Same white-hot blinding hate! It’s the (not-really-all-that-reciprocal) rivalry that’ll never die: Blazers vs. Lakers is a great excuse to give into provincial basketball bloodlust, especially since Los Angeles sucks this year. So it should be fun. Unless we lose, but that can’t happen. Right? BOBBY ROBERTS
Moda Center, 1 Center Ct, 7 pm, $25 & up, all ages
KARAOKE—Sure, you have many karaoke venues to choose from… however, we find it necessary to remind you of the always fun Karaoke from Hell—still the only place you can sing in front of a live band (while not wasting your life by forming a live band). They’ll make you sound like a superstar, and you will receive free Voodoo Doughnuts. Top that, every other venue in the world. WM. STEVEN HUMPHREY
Dante’s, 350 W Burnside, 10 pm, $3