THE BLAZERS RETURN—Yes, it’s actually happening, even without the help of Brandon Roy. The abbreviated 2011-2012 NBA season sees the Portland Trail Blazers pitted against the Philadelphia 76ers in their season opener, a game that looks like a mild crapshoot. But damn. It’s for real, show your love. And tomorrow sees the Blazers face the Sacramento Kings. WE
Rose Garden Arena, 1 Center Court, 7 pm, $15-170
CAUCASIAN CHRISTMAS—I love spending the holidays with my family… my Big Lebowski family: Walter, El Duderino, and even Donny, who won’t shut the eff up. We go bowling, get a little drunk, and the nihilist cousins get rowdy, but kindly uncle Sam Elliott calms us down with some wise words, and then we all go out for lingonberry pancakes! CF
Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton, Fri Dec 23-Thurs Dec 29, 7 & 9:15 pm, $7