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Thanks to the huge number of people who came out for Hecklevision: Batman & Robin on Friday night—watching Batman & Robin on a big screen, with a theater packed full of people, wasn’t something I ever thought I’d experience, and I can honestly say it will be something I will never, ever experience again. So… I don’t know, let’s cherish the memories or whatever. Despite some technical problems (which, yes, totally sucked, but thanks to the pros at the Hollywood Theatre, are now permanently and beautifully fixed) and the fact that I had to got to ban a couple of trolling, unfunny assholes*, I’d say it went off about as well as can be expected. I mean, shit. We were showing Batman & Robin.

HOWEVER. With Batman & Robin now behind us, we can now look to the future… and to what film we’ll show for the next Mercury Hecklevision! Our past films have been Commando, Red Dawn, and Point Break, and ones I’ve got on a list for consideration for future installments include, but are not limited to….

• The Lost Boys
• Road House
• Trapped in the Closet
• Ghost
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
• Waterworld
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld: The Double Feature
• Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and Waterworld: Both Films, Playing on the Same Screen, at the Same Time, Both at Maximum Volume
• Speed
• Kindergarten Cop
• Purple Rain
• Timecop
• Transformers
• an episode or two of Grimm
• an episode or two of Portlandia
• Over the Top
• Maximum Overdrive
• The Happening
• Face/Off

Those, however, are just the tip of the iceberg (which reminds me that I’d love to do Titanic, except it’s 43 hours long), and I’m guessing you guys have some suggestions, too. Hit me with ’em in the comments, or throw in a vote for any of the ones I listed above. I will either carefully consider your comments or totally ignore them and show whatever I want.

Thanks again to everybody for coming out! See you next time.

*Clearly, I have infinite patience for shitty movies—but I have next to zero patience for shitty comments that are neither funny nor smart. I’ve never had to ban anyone at any of the previous Hecklevisions, but during Batman & Robin, I got immense satisfaction from blocking a few dicks who were steadfastly, obnoxiously intent on being dicks. Protip for future Hecklevisions: Don’t be a dick.

With honor and distinction, Erik Henriksen served as the executive editor of the Portland Mercury from 2004 to 2020. He can now be found at henriksenactual.com.

32 replies on “So What’s Next for Hecklevision?”

  1. Super Fuzz. Really awesome and crap 1980 Italian-directed cop film about a guy with super powers until he sees the color red. Ernest Borgnine is a supporting actor.

  2. I’ve been advised to recommend Tank Girl repeatedly. Until you buckle.

    But really. From that list I think Lost Boys, Speed, Face/Off and Over the Top are all excellent choices.

    I’d only add Starship Troopers. But you know this about me already. 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    Also! I had forgotten how horrible Batman and Robin was. About 1/2 way through my skeleton actually tried to jump out of my skin and run away.

  7. I was really grossed out by how many people were making gay and sexist heckles on Friday. With a movie that shitty, when the heckles are also shitty, it’s like, what am I doing here? It was great to see some trolls get banned, though.

    Buzzkill over.

    FACE/OFF. I just need to work on my dragging-my-fingers-softly-down-your-face emoticon.

  9. @Joneser: That surprised/grossed me out, too. My biggest regret of the night was that I didn’t ban a few more people for shit like that. If the heckles aren’t good, the whole thing’s a waste of my/your/everybody’s time, so I’ll be swinging the ban hammer even faster in the future. Either make me laugh or GTFO, and if you’re a goddamn creep, don’t show up in the first place.

    @penguininja: Oh, shit. GOOD ONE.

    @Fruit Cup: Tank Girl will never, ever happen.

    @970 The Beat: That movie sounds awesome, but it’s too hard of a sell: People need to know (and preferably, already like) the movie they’re going to see/make fun of. Especially if we’re making them pay money to do so. Which we totally are.

  11. Face/Off and Maximum Overdrive for sure. It has been too long since I’ve seen some of these, and some I have never seen (thankfully?), that I can’t honestly weigh in. I’ve been stoked about watching Kindergarten Cop and Speed again lately though, and I suspect Timecop and the Happening would be excellent choices. Is it weird that I think there are too many Swayze movies considered but I agree that Nic Cage is a bottomless well of possibilities?

  19. I will admit I maybe called Robin a bottom at one point, but yeah, the Hecklevision signal-to-noise ratio was a little off this time. ASCII penis/boobs dude(s?), dozens of people just texting “lol”, people trying to force memes, etc etc. I was glad I got out at least a few good riffs.

    Cool As Ice would be a great one to do because: 1) Vanilla Ice; 2) it’s a ridiculous and not-totally-bad movie with a decent budget and a story that never drags; 3) it was lensed by Spielberg’s favorite cinematographer Janusz Kaminski, so it actually looks cinematic and colorful. You should really check it out sometime, it’s totally silly but kinda fun.

    I guess Face/Off would be a good choice because Travola/Cage factor, but meh for me.

    What about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Top Gun? I think Lost Boys is a good one, lots to mine there. Over The Top is pretty bad/good but it’s too much of a one joke pony for Hecklevision. Purple Rain would be GREAT, I think. Might not fill a house, though.

  20. Face/Off is really, REALLY long. Like 2 1/2 hours long. I remember how the crowd deteriorated noticeably around the 90 minute mark of Red Dawn, and that only went for a half hour longer. Imagine hitting the wall with Face/Off and then having to sit there for a full HOUR afterwards.

    Plus, it’s gonna be hard to heckle the film when John Woo is consistently pulling off amazing action setpieces one after the other.

    Over The Top is the best recommendation I’ve seen from the comments so far. That’s just choice 80s cheese. Super Mario Brothers is another brilliant suggestion.

    Van Damme should be considered. Kickboxer. Or hell, Double Team with Dennis Rodman. C’mon! Van Dammage w/ Basketball’s Ultimate Bad Boy!

    1986’s Transformers the Movie is mindbendingly awful, as well.

  24. The Adventures of Ford Fairlane
    [drops mic, walks off stage]

    or Kiss of Death – Nic Cage at his most over-pumped and clearly coke-addled. Sam Jackson with that hankie is pure celluloid gold.

  26. Independence Day
    Stargate
    Pretty much anything directed by Roland “I can’t direct my way out of a paper bag” Emmerich
    The Happening
    Judge Dredd
    Demolition Man
    Zardoz

  28. While tripping acid during/after Batman & Robin, I came to a blissful epiphany: Schumacher succeeded making a shemale out of Uma Thurman.

    Also, under some trees, I had a lengthy celestial discussion that “Falling Down” would make one hell of a Hecklevision.

    Michael Douglas freaking the fuck out for two hours would be max.

    That or Carnosaur, obviously.

  29. Boy, Batman and Robin was somehow worse than I remembered it, and I did not have fond memories of it to begin with. But Bobby’s got a good point– I fell asleep during Face/Off when it first came out, it’s pretty long.

  31. I would really enjoy heckling Reality Bites. It’s so annoying, but it might be too annoying.

    What about Earth Girls Are Easy? That flick is surprisingly fun! And furry Goldblum and Carey!

  32. Reality Bites. Genius choice. Just watched it again and annoying but not anything some public heckling can’t ease.

    Also, you’d be stupid not to consier Rocky III.

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