We get a lot of promotional trinkets in the office—sometimes we’re not sure why. Example: Here’s the “Disney on Ice” promo bag that was delivered to the Mercury and somehow found its way to my desk.
Now, I’m predisposed to loathe anything “on ice,” unless it’s shrimp or four fingers of Bulleit Rye. HOWEVER! They went to the trouble of sending this bag (and attaching helium balloons—which apparently there’s a worldwide shortage of, and very expensive), so here’s the barest of info.
DISNEY ON ICE: DARE TO DREAM
October 25-28, Rose Garden, get tickets here. From the enclosed press release:
Dare to Dream, a vibrant, contemporary compilation of princesses, features popular songs and unforgettable scenes from two of Disney’s newest fairytales [Tangled and Princess and the Frog] and one of the most cherished stories of all time [Cinderella].
ON ICE!!! Okay, done, done, and DONE. But you may be wondering, “what was in the bag?” Well, the previous press release, a treacly child’s activity book that I couldn’t bear looking at for more than ten seconds, and this. A Tangled doll!
That’s pretty cute. I’m sure I can find some grateful little girl to give… WAIT.
No.
NO.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Click!) Go. See. Disney. On. Ice. I. Highly. Recommend. It.
I’m more interested in the yellow pad on which you’re undoubtedly creating elaborate, hashish-fueled plots against Portland Monthly. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
good eye, mecklem, good eye.
Actually, it was just a written reminder to renew my subscription. I MUST KNOW WHO THE TOP TEN PORTLAND ORTHODONTISTS ARE!!
Right, Steve. That’s why, just under her feet, it says “rabbit fondue.” (I’ve already alerted PETA.)