As regular readers of Blogtown already know, I am one of the Mercury‘s strongest proponents for maintaining a healthy prostate gland. After suffering a frightening and gory prostate incident in my youth — WHICH I WILL RELATE TO YOU IF THERE’S ENOUGH INTEREST IN THE COMMENTS SECTION — I now happily undergo regular prostate exams, with a little help from the gentle finger of my general physician.

And since I am such a fan of “the marble of love,” you can imagine my excitement when I received an email telling of this weekend’s DRIVE AGAINST PROSTATE CANCER, which involves (get this!) “a sleek 39-foot Airstream mobile screening unit, touring the country to offer FREE prostate cancer screenings.”

Naturally, I was all like, “Oh, Hell to the Yeah! Where do I sign up?” HOWEVER. I was wildly displeased to see that the Prostate Winnebago wasn’t even stopping in Portland! If I want a free finger up my bum, I’m going to have to drive all the way to Salem! (Yes, I know… I can get a free finger up my bum at the IHOP bathroom on 82nd Avenue… but I’m talking LEGITIMATE PROSTATE EXAMS here!)

Do these people think that the men of Portland are bereft of prostates? BECAUSE WE’RE NOT. And I will happily show them proof, any day of the week. ANYWAY. If you’re interested in a quick poke to ensure you don’t have cancer, and you’re going to be in the Salem area this weekend, I would still highly recommend it. (And if you do, please take a picture of inside the Prostate Winnebago, so I can blog it.) Here are the deets:

Saturday & Sunday, July 26 & 27, 9 am – 4 pm, 3995 Brooklake Rd NE, Salem, OR. It’s confidential, and NO APPOINTMENT IS NECESSARY.

prostatebus.jpg
“Toot! Toot! Open up, the Prostate Winnebago is coming in!”

Bang bang, choo-choo train, let me see you shake that thang. Wm. Steven Humphrey is the editor-in-chief of the Portland Mercury and has held the job since 2000. (So don’t get any funny ideas.)

13 replies on “What About My Marble of Love?”

  3. Oooh, this sounds so exciting. Yes, please tell us. And did the man who did this to you get caught and punished to the full extent of the law? The Bible says a tooth for a tooth. Was his love marble removed in revenge?

    And I just love things up my. . . well, that’s rather private. Just tell us the story.

  11. Dear Wm.TM:

    I say, chappie, I enquired of the home office in Llandrinded, Wales, about the humor inherent in trademarking one’s initials. The response was consistently, “harumph, damned silly thing to do,” from most of the staff except Wilburforce in accounting. Wilburforce reacted with a hearty guffaw. However, but there’s no accounting for what Wilburforce finds humorous, excuse the pun.

    So, we’ll count that as suitably humorous.

    Baron Sir J. Humpherey Wirthington, B.S., O.B.E, Bf.D.
    Commander, North American Division
    Etc.,

  12. P.S. The staff is uniformly interested in your posting a video of your rectal exam, especially Wilberforce, who, prior to entering the accountancy was “outed”, I believe the term is, and had to leave the ministry in some haste. Please post said video at your earliest convenience.

    I remain,
    B.S.J.H.W.B.S.O.B.E.Bf.D.

  13. Hat’s off. Well done, as we know that “hard work always pays off”, after a long struggle with sincere effort it’s done.
    ========================================
    albert pinto
    caravans

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